fund sarcasm


October 2018
« Nov    


• 2013 Majors

BCAPL National 8-Ball Championships
Rio All-Suite Las Vegas Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, NV
first time at the Rio (adios Riviera) and things get epic
Hard Times 10-Ball Open
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
just a lil pre-Vegas warm up tournament
West Coast Challenge
$4,000 added One Pocket
$10,000 added 10-Ball
California Billiard Club
Mountain View, CA
last event at this location before they close (sadface)
Cole Dickson Memorial 9-Ball
Family Billiards
San Francisco, CA
for legendary road player Cole Dickson
Pots 'N' Pans Memorial 9-Ball
Pool Sharks
Las Vegas, NV
celebrating hustler Bernard Rogoff, better known as "Pots 'N' Pans"
TAR35 | Dennis Orcollo vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second and third days
TAR33 | Francisco Bustamante vs Alex Pagulayan
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second (1P) and part of third (10B) day
TAR32 | Ronnie Alcano vs Jayson Shaw
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
GREAT match • Andy Mercer Memorial 9-Ball Tournament coverage
Chet Itow Memorial 9-Ball
California Billiards Club
Mountain View, CA
drank too much to do good coverage, but here it is, anyway
Jay Swanson Memorial 9-Ball
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
let Robocop show you how to run a six-pack, Citizen
TAR31 | Mike Dechaine vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
TAR30 | Darren Appleton vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
the boys are back in town
» Huidji See
» Donny Mills
the best kind of New Year's Sandwich
that's not okay
you know that I'm no good
on being a reasonable human being with realistic expectations
instasham series
stories from the distant and slightly-less-distant past
the only people for me are the mad ones
questions, tournaments, bets, running 26.2 miles


The Action Report
purveyor of fine challenge matches between highly-skilled players of note
Cue Times Billiard News
Colorado's best resource for all things pool-related
Jack Justis Cases
the choice of champions
Sugartree Customs
made by Eric "Slower Than Snails" Crisp, if and when he feels like it
Tucker Cue Works
"If you feel the need to ask me how your cue is progressing every week then maybe there is a better choice of cuemakers out there for you."
Kurzweils' Country Meats
yes, meat

even if everyone has a price



mundane moments in a mundane life
"...not everyone's price is the same.”
for Carol
My innards rearranged themselves in concern. Each time I bent down to shoot, I fully expected my heart to run up my throat in a jailbreak for freedom. Pins and needles buzzed along my hands and terminated at my fingertips in explosions of high-strung pain. I trembled as I made my way around the table. The carpet tripped my shoes and the table edges caught my shirt more than once.
I sank the last ball and looked at him. He scowled. “You ran out,” he said, very evenly.
“Oh, God. Did I?” I struggled to sound neutral in spite of my giddiness.
“You did,” he said, even more evenly. He threw the balls on the table and viciously racked them together. He leaned back against the stool with crossed arms. “I didn’t know you could play like that.”
“I got lucky,” I said with a nervous chuckle.
“I’m sure you did.”
Feverish excitement borne of doing something deeply illegal carrying a terrible penalty pulled my decisions back and forth. I looked at him again, and I was afraid. I knew what I should do. And yet—
I giggled apologetically and smashed the loose rack.
I ran out again.
I could see total, dominant wrath on his face. He towered over me as he unscrewed his cue. I did not dare look up. “What. The. Fuck. Was that?” His voice was low and smooth with danger. Everything under my skin tied and untied itself in tortured knots. My fingers twisted each other until I sprained one.
“I, uh—sorry.” I said meekly.
In spite of my rapidly growing fear I tilted my head down the tiniest bit and smiled. I was visibly trembling now and the unknown penalty began to coalesce into an awful vision. I held my breath as my heart beat so hard I could see it stirring my shirt. I was very cold. Seeing that I was sufficiently cowed, he stepped back. This meant I was allowed to look up. I breathed out carefully in secret relief. I knew I should keep quiet and get ready to leave. I had ruined our fun night of pool.
Instead, I asked him gently, wonderingly, “Why are you the only one allowed to win?”
He narrowed his eyes. His face bore a terrifying expression as he raised his hand.
Young love is often as foolish as it is strong. He was the better player when we met. He owned custom cues and talked importantly with cuemakers and industry people. I was not at his level in play or cultural sophistication and I was content to stay in the background.
One day, as he talked importantly with a cue dealer in his shop, I began to play on the dealer’s table. The dealer stepped out and watched me for a few minutes. He came out looking for the dealer. “She plays pretty good,” the dealer said to him. “You should enter her in some tournaments. She could get on the pro tour in a year or two.”
He said coolly, “Are you kidding? She’s terrible.” He walked back in the shop and the dealer followed him.
In the car ride home he told me, “He was just being nice saying you could get on the pro tour. You’re not even close to being decent.”
In the following months, I was never good enough. I wasn’t pretty enough. Wasn’t smart enough. Didn’t play well enough. Yet, if I were to beat him in a game, terrible tantrums or cold silence would follow. I learned to miss. I learned to lose. I let my game go to shit because I believed peace was worth it and was told sacrifice was required of any relationship.
Friends asked, “How can you let this go on? What are you doing?”
Confused, yet vaguely understanding something was not right, all I could truthfully answer was, “I don’t know.”
“You never take anyone’s shit,” they said. “What the hell is going on?”
Again, I could only truthfully answer, “I don’t know.”
I never played on these front tables, the tables reserved for rich men and champions and money players and their chosen protégés. He only liked to play on the front tables. This was a treat. Here, with the pristine cloth, the well-kept rails, and the railbirds in the shadows judging like Anubis himself, something in me had snapped and I wanted, more than anything, to PLAY.
It was a wild horse kicking over its traces running over everything and everywhere in unbridled joy. It was all the times in my youth I trudged through sand with weights until race day when the weights came off and I flew. It was jumping out of an airplane, fucking up your chute, and then fixing it just before the earth rushed up at you forever. I had gone crazy with exhilaration.
Now I had to pay the price.
I glanced at his raised hand and for once I felt no fear in his presence. I had never known what to say or how to act in a way that would please him, but this—a pure, physical fight for survival—I knew. He was very strong, it was true. But I was no longer invested in his well-being. He would not win undamaged. I adjusted my stance ever so slightly into readiness.
He looked away and seemed to remember he was in a public place. He lowered his hand and left. I walked home.

• • •

A few weeks later, he called.
He said in clipped, harsh tones, “I’m sorry but I think it’s over.”
“Are you fucking serious?” I laughed long and loud and clear. “You only figured that out now?”
“Dude, I gotta go.”
“Where are you?” he demanded.
“Vegas! I have a match right now, so—yeah.”
Then I hung up.


yours truly

6 comments to even if everyone has a price

  • Zack

    As a wise man once said, “respek”.

  • That’s powerful. And so are you. Awesome piece of writing!

  • Bob

    I’m reminded of when William Wallace shouted “FREEDOM”
    Girlfriend – you da’ BOMB!

  • Tony T

    I like the word “FUCKTARD”

  • Alan Saville

    Fantastic! I hope you’re writing a novel or ? BTW: if you want to find a good guy who will treat you the way you deserve, you’ll probably have to try the older dudes. High T levels often = assholes. Besides that, some of those old guys have money!

    • Adhesive Remover

      Assholity is not limited to young men. It’s not age, it’s the person. A good guy is a good guy, regardless of age or financial status.