Fun : 1-111 of 333 ways to get kicked out of Walmart

I’ve been extremely busy lately.

Not only at my job (I worked over the holidays) but also in pool (tried to win a bunch of tournaments — failed miserably). All this means I’m suffering from a serious lack of sleep and I am f—ing tired. As a result, bloggage will now be carefully rationed.

In the meantime, I will post random bits of amusing things from the internet. The good part in all this is 1). you don’t have to deal with my rants and 2). there should be more frequent posts with funny subject matter.

Reasons 1-111 of 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart
test these reasons at your own risk, I’m not responsible for your results…

1. Take someone’s shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them’s cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say “Grandpa!!! You’re ALIVE!!! It’s a MIRACLE!!! etc.”

5. Take something from someone else’s cart, when they say “hey, that’s mine! ” call the security and say that the other … person was trying to take your _____

6. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell “AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!”

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell “THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!”

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, “COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!”

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell “PICK ME”

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say “code three in house ware” and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a “d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!”

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation

24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, “I know where you live…”

25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool…

26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you’re doing, just say “I changed my mind.”

28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin’ USA theme song

29. Say things like, “Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?”

30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream “GET AWAY FROM ME!!!” Then run out of the store screaming

31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what’s up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can’t you all remember your own names?

32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles

33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you’re going to bite them

34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady’s face and watch her freak out

35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, “I like to move it, move it! Or say “You got chicken legs!”

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

37. While no one’s watching quickly switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the rest room

38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply “He’s going to help me pick out his favorite dog food”

39. TP as much of the store as possible

40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal

41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say “The rooster is in the nest” Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper “use this wisely.”

42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke

43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one… I know I know… hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off

44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom

47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, “We love bagels! We love bagels!”

48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free… & see what happens

49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts

50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners

51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!

52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you’re doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you’re trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night

53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras

54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items… the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand

55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say “trick or treat!” and if they don’t give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face

56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by

57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good Bessie.”

58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken

59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say “Phew, That’s better”

60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, “A clue a clue!”

61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name

62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters

63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans

64. Take all the CD’s put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again

65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you

66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!

67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing

68. Run through the make-up department and yell, “There’s a dead body in aisle 3!!!”

69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head

70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say “your wish is granted”

71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell “ROLLBACK!!!”

72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say… sir or madam… don’t think that.

73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, “Shut up in there.”

74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, “She’s horrible at giving make-overs!” and point to a random woman.

75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song

76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store

77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead

78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you

79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles

80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, “Yup, that stuff’s not poisonous.”

81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down

82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham

83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags

84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle

85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions

86. Swing on the half price banners

87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you’re annoyed

88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty

89. Hold Barbie for ransom

90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen’s “We Will Rock You”

91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone’s cart

92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you’re talking to her by saying “Let’s bust this joint!”

93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, “AAH! I’M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!”

94. Do your own radio show over the intercom

95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say “Luke, I am your father” and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask

96. Glue pennies on the floor ‘heads’ side up

97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming ‘EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!

98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you

99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over

101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund

102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby

103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, “I know how you feel…”

104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded

105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say “BEEP” in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items

106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, “I will not be silenced!!!!”

107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell “Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!”

108. Hug someone randomly and say, “I love u mommy!”

109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit

110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming “HELP! IT’S AFTER ME!”

111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around

Tune in tomorrow for reasons 112-222…