fund sarcasm


March 2018
« Nov    


• 2013 Majors

BCAPL National 8-Ball Championships
Rio All-Suite Las Vegas Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, NV
first time at the Rio (adios Riviera) and things get epic
Hard Times 10-Ball Open
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
just a lil pre-Vegas warm up tournament
West Coast Challenge
$4,000 added One Pocket
$10,000 added 10-Ball
California Billiard Club
Mountain View, CA
last event at this location before they close (sadface)
Cole Dickson Memorial 9-Ball
Family Billiards
San Francisco, CA
for legendary road player Cole Dickson
Pots 'N' Pans Memorial 9-Ball
Pool Sharks
Las Vegas, NV
celebrating hustler Bernard Rogoff, better known as "Pots 'N' Pans"
TAR35 | Dennis Orcollo vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second and third days
TAR33 | Francisco Bustamante vs Alex Pagulayan
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second (1P) and part of third (10B) day
TAR32 | Ronnie Alcano vs Jayson Shaw
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
GREAT match • Andy Mercer Memorial 9-Ball Tournament coverage
Chet Itow Memorial 9-Ball
California Billiards Club
Mountain View, CA
drank too much to do good coverage, but here it is, anyway
Jay Swanson Memorial 9-Ball
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
let Robocop show you how to run a six-pack, Citizen
TAR31 | Mike Dechaine vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
TAR30 | Darren Appleton vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
the boys are back in town
» Huidji See
» Donny Mills
the best kind of New Year's Sandwich
that's not okay
you know that I'm no good
on being a reasonable human being with realistic expectations
instasham series
stories from the distant and slightly-less-distant past
the only people for me are the mad ones
questions, tournaments, bets, running 26.2 miles


The Action Report
purveyor of fine challenge matches between highly-skilled players of note
Cue Times Billiard News
Colorado's best resource for all things pool-related
Jack Justis Cases
the choice of champions
Sugartree Customs
made by Eric "Slower Than Snails" Crisp, if and when he feels like it
Tucker Cue Works
"If you feel the need to ask me how your cue is progressing every week then maybe there is a better choice of cuemakers out there for you."
Kurzweils' Country Meats
yes, meat

the cake is a lie


interesting articles & websites
life is almost back to “normal” if you can believe it

50 Welcome Signs from 50 States
Pretty neat to look at.
California’s is by far the most exciting.
World’s Oldest Leather Shoe Found
“Astonishingly modern” shoe preserved by sheep dung and dryness.
one of the rare times poop on a shoe is a good thing
Roaches Prefer Dinner Parties
Ever wonder how cockroaches seem to know the best place to find a meal? Research shows they follow “recommendations” of others.
having foodie friends is universal
The Memory Doctor 2010
A series of very interesting articles about Elizabeth Loftus, a scientist whose main focus was human memory, written by William Saleten.
I suggest you bookmark the page and read an article a day
Iron Man
any guesses on how many times he’s burned himself?


Seminole Pro Tour at Hollywood Billiards
Hollywood, CA

As if Vegas wasn’t enough pool, I figured I’d go watch some more…

The Seminole Pro Tour, probably the best regional tour in the nation, made its way over to the West Coast all the way from the Southeast. This was the last major tournament that had kept Southern Calfornia bankrolls rolling through the month of May. We had the First Sunday at Hard Times Bellflower, the Hard Times Mezz 10-Ball Open, the World Pool Masters, BCAPL National 8-Ball Championships and the U.S. Open 10-Ball Championships.

The memory of those events is enough to tire me out all over again.

We were going to cap off the month of May with this brand-new event over Memorial Day Weekend at one of the finest pool rooms on the West Coast — Hollywood Billiards.

I had advance notice, while in Vegas, that certain changes would be taking place at Hollywood Billiards just prior to the tournament. The tables would be recovered just prior to the tournament. This was good. The cloth, however, would not be Simonis. This was not terrible. The cloth would be the color of a fine red wine. This was — weird.

I didn’t get to play in this event, having had prior important engagements scheduled for the first day, Saturday. I did stop by Sunday and Monday to watch the rest of the event. Since I didn’t play, you don’t get the usual endearing rants — just a photo essay of sorts.

That’s Hunter “Floofy” Lombardo walking the walk as he models these slaughterhouse tables for us.

This is how the cloth compares to a glass of cabernet. The official color of the cloth is “merlot”. The description is accurate.

On the left is Ernesto Dominguez with a can of Pledge furniture polish. Apparently, this was the one product that could keep the shaft on a cue clean and free of the pinkness that was beginning to permeate all. You had to use it constantly for it to be effective. On the right are Corey Harper‘s hands. Pledge doesn’t work on humans.

Upstairs/Downstairs. Only the lower level tables had been recovered for the event, the upstairs tables still had good ol’ Simonis green.

Manny Chau relaxes on the patio on the left. On the right, Rafael Martinez sweats a match from a distance through an open door. He said watching matches up close made him too nervous.

Once upon a time, the ocean was green. Then, red tide came along. The end.

The final standings of the tournament:

1st Rodney “The Rocket” Morris $5,000
2nd Corey “Fluorescent” Deuel $3,000
3rd Rafael “Alive & Kicking” Martinez $2,000
4th Gabe “The Babe” Owen $1,200
5th/6th Oscar “Red-Handed” Dominguez $750
  Stevie “No Braids Any” Moore  
7th/8th Floofy Lombardo $550
  Marco Tschudi  


I understand the need for the new management at Hollywood Billiards to cover the tables in red cloth. Their prime demographic are the casual pool players. While the red cloth is — unusual — for a serious pool player, the casual pool player probably likes the edgy, avant-gardness of it all. And, in the end, pool just needs more players. If a red table will draw in someone who would not normally play the game as well as keep the pool room in business, it’s a good thing.

A traditionalist such as myself will merely have to move to greener pastures where I will be waiting for those red-table fishes if and when they decide to venture out into the wide, wide world.


random eats
I liked it so much I’m going overboard splashing this photograph everywhere

Here’s a picture of what I had for dinner last night.

Tiny’s Prime Rib Rice Plate: chili-rubbed, w/fried egg, water spinach, creamed horseradish, roasted garlic serrano paste, shallots.


3300 Overland Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90034
(310) 287-0337

In case you landed on this page looking for the epic Vegas write up…

9 comments to the cake is a lie

  • Dagwoodz

    Breakfast….it’s what’s for dinner…

    • Adhesive Remover

      Dude, it was SO yummers.

      • Dagwoodz

        btw, Great write ups of the tournaments, as usual. Was hoping for a little of the “fashionista” critiques, but other than that, ya dun good kid. Now I’m ‘ongree’…time for Army breakfast.

  • LAMas

    Do you have any interest in going to the Hollywood Jack Memorial One Pocket at Hardtimes on the July 4th WE? It has moved from Riverside and “parsimonious Wayne” will prolly be there to play 😉 In years past, Efren put on a clinic there with many 8 outs.

  • LAMas

    My bad, I was thinking about the Labor Day tourney at Riverside. Do you or anyone know where the Hollywood Jack Tourney was played before?

    • Adhesive Remover

      The Hollywood Jack Memorial has always been played at Hollywood Billiards as they add the money for the event. I think it’s only been around 2 years or so. Great tournament with lots of action, and the mini-tournament on Friday also draws a nice turnout.

      Jay Helfert is the tournament director and I haven’t heard any news that it’s cancelled or moved. I do know that the speed of the tables is now slower and because of that, I am not sure how many out-of-towners are going to want to play without significant practice.

      ======= UPDATE from JAY HELFERT =======

      “This event has been moved to Hard Times in Bellflower, CA. It will be on July 3-4, beginning at Noon each day. Players meeting and draw is at 11 AM. The entry fee is $75 and we are limiting the field to the first 64 players. You can guarantee your spot by signing up in advance at Hard Times. They are generously adding $2,000 to the purse. I will be running the event for them.

      All matches are a Race To Three, Double Elimination. First prize should be about $1,000 or more, depending on the size of the field. This is an annual event for all the best One Pocket players in the Southwest, so come on down if you like this game and want to see some good players in action. Many motels nearby and inexpensive.”

  • At least they didn’t play the song “Red red wine” on repeat throughout the event.

  • p00lriah

    i think they were doing that fancy-color cloth thing way back in the day. that book chronicling danny mcgoorty mentioned it somewhere. read it if you’re bored.

    well, at least it’s merlot, not red rum. 😛