euthanASIA is too good for her


This will be a long-ish post. You can click on the section(s) you feel you would be most interested in.

Before :: How this match came about.

During :: The match itself.

After :: The more you know…



Jessica “Asia” Cycak emailed me in Nov. of last year looking to set up a match similar to the match I played with Borana Andoni in May of 2010.

The following is a summary of the emails regarding how this match came about.


Nov. 16, 2010 9:09 PM   sent from her email via iPhone
      Hello, my name is Asia Cycak. I’m interested in matching up with you playing 9-ball even. Give me a call please 848-XXX-1074. Thanks. We can   Play in jersey, ny, nc, or ca. Jan. or Feb. Ttyl.
Nov. 17, 2010 9:52 AM   sent from my email (I only respond using email)
      Hello Asia,
      I am not a phone person. When setting up a match in advance, I use email because it provides a record of any aspects (race length, bet amount, etc.) we’ve discussed and prevents miscommunication.
      I am not familiar with how you play. Is there someone you could refer me to who could vouch for your speed? What pool room do you currently play out of? If you are being staked to play, who is the person/are the people backing you?
      Thank you for your offer and I look forward to a future match.
Nov. 17, 2010 4:43 PM   sent from her phone as 4 text messages, from here on out, it is a Boost Mobile phone, no longer an iPhone
      Hi. Thanks for getting back. You can look me up on yahoo. Asia Cycak. I believe there are some records on me. I am in north carolina, Raleigh right now. But I am from jersey. As far as backers it depends on what we play for. I saw your match wit borana n I think our match would b challenging. Race to 21. Live stream if you like. I dont know too much bout u. But I am looking to get back in pool and you look like you take it serious like me. So get back at me. Ttyl
  4:54 PM   sent via email from a “junghwa yang”
      Hey thx for getting back. I know you can look me up on yahoo. Asia Cycak. I saw the match wit you and borana and I think our match can be challenging as well. I am in Raleigh NC but I am from jersey. As far as backers it depends what we play for. I figured we can do race to 21. i will be in jersey dec. 15 to dec 30. than back to NC. we can stream the match if you like. i really don know much bout you. I am just looking for a good match cuz I am trying to get back into the game. And you look like you take it serious and love the game. So please get back wheneva you can. Ttyl. Asia


This sounds like a legitimate offer of action, except for the fact that 1). she has seen me play and 2). I have never seen her play. She is from North Carolina and I would be lying if I said that didn’t pique my interest. Some of you may remember, once upon a time, I played another North Carolinian for money.

Regardless, Yahoo (she’s not a Googler, I take it) is hardly useful as an accurate way of clocking pool player speed unless the player is extremely well-known (professionals and such). I do remember seeing her name before and I recall her as being a player out of the Northeast, meaning she would be familiar with Borana Andoni’s game. In addition, Ms. Cycak played on the Women’s Professional Billiards Association (WPBA) tour in 2008.

So, she must have some game.


Nov. 17, 2010 9:52 AM   Hello Asia,
      Most of the information about your tournament finishes stop at 2008. People’s games can improve a lot in 2 or 3 years so I do not consider those accurate indicators of your current speed.
      You have seen me play Borana while I have never seen you play. That puts me at a distinct disadvantage.
      I am still willing to play if the match is in Los Angeles. Let me know if this is agreeable to you, and we can discuss the bet.
Nov. 23, 2010 7:15 PM   sent from her phone as 3 text messages
      R u going to derby in jan. We can play there. But if not and I come to los angeles what would you like to do? I have been playing on some of the great southern billiard stops. I am ranked a b player. But I am sure you can talk to shannon daulton to confirm. Let me know what is good for you. Ttyl


She initially offered California, North Carolina, or New Jersey as place to play. Now she wants me to consider Indiana. No thank you. Too flippin’ cold out there and I can’t get the time off nor the funds to attend the Derby City Classic.


Dec. 3, 2010 10:54 AM   I apologize for the slow replies — I generally only email while I am at work and, currently, there is a lot of work. 🙂
      I will not be going to Derby City.
      I have not yet talked to Shannon Daulton.
      Upon confirmation of your speed, if you come to Los Angeles, we can play two races to 21 for $2,000 each, winner has to win two sets.
      Thank you for your patience. 🙂
Dec. 3, 2010 8:30 PM   sent via email from a “junghwa yang”
      It is okay. That sounds good. Probably wont be able to play till february. I will get back to you around january. Have a good holiday
  8:31 PM   sent from her phone as a text message
      Sounds good. I will get back to you around january. We can play in february. I will come down there. Have a good holiday. Ttyl
Dec. 7, 2010 10:50 AM   Late February is better for me as I will be out-of-town for Chinese New Year.


I confirm she is a B-player on Shannon Daulton’s tour. This does not mean anything. Ratings range across the country so the only real information I have about her game is that she’s probably not a world-beater. However, neither am I, and I am most certainly, incredibly, beatable as the C-player that I am.

She seems quite pleasant.


Dec. 25, 2010 7:55 PM   sent via email from a “junghwa yang”


Aside from the ALL CAPS, this is a good email, sent right on Christmas.

I’m not sure why she attached a photograph of herself (and a 16MB one at that). She signs off as “The Golden Child”. As far as I know, “The Golden Child” is a craptastic movie featuring Eddie Murphy that plays in the 3:00 a.m. time slot in cheap hotels in the middle of nowhere.

She’s still quite pleasant.


Dec. 26, 2010 11:50 AM   Hi Asia and Happy Holidays to you, too. 🙂
      I was planning for our match to be on President’s Day weekend, which is a three-day weekend (February 19, 20 & 21). We can start play on Saturday afternoon. If need be, we can then go through to Sunday with no problem.
      Texas Express rules is fine, but I do request that breaks be between games as opposed to during games. In the interest of time, the break between sets should be no longer than 20 minutes. Winner pays time.
Dec. 27, 2010 4:12 PM   sent via email from a “junghwa yang”
      That is fine with me. I agree to the dates and also the rule about breaks. I also think that is better and more respectful to both players. So I understand it correctly, we are planning to play on Feb. 19,20,&21. Two races to 21 for 2,000.00 each. Winner needs to win 2 sets in order to win the cash. Also the winner pays time.Texas Express rules apply. I look forward to hearing from you. Also is this going to be live streamed?????? Doesn’t matter to me. I guess I would just like to be prepared. Good luck


Now THIS is interesting.

This is the second time she mentions streaming in this email thread. Although she says it “doesn’t matter” to her, the amount of question marks (a half-dozen!) leads me to believe a live stream of the match is important to her. I never mention streaming because, face it, it’s flippin’ pool and since neither of us is an elite player, it will probably be more painful than enjoyable to watch.

Most gambling matches aren’t broadcast or recorded. Fame is not the focus of gambling — money is. From this moment forward, I mark her as a famewhore — someone who wants attention.


Dec. 27, 2010 4:49 PM   sent via email from a “junghwa yang”
      I forgot to ask. Can you let me know which pool hall we will be playing at so I can make my reservations? Thanks again


Regardless of my suspicions that she is a famewhore, I do some minor legwork and get shit set up.


Dec. 31, 2010 10:45 AM   Hello again
      Sorry for the late reply. I have more information for you.
      First, I should clarify that we are playing races to 21, 2 sets ahead for $4,000. The player who wins must win two sets in a row. I worded that poorly in my previous emails, and I apologize.
      We will be playing at Hard Times Billiards in Bellflower, CA.
      Hard Times Billiards

17450 Bellflower Boulevard
Bellflower, CA 90706-6604
(562) 867-7733


      Each of us must post $1,000 in no-show money via casher’s check, made out to Hard Times Billiards as soon as possible. Eddie Arreguin is the owner. When you mail the check, please send it to his attention.
      On the day of the match, Hard Times Billiards will have that amount available in cash for your stake. If one of us does not show for the match for any reason, the $1,000 will be forfeited to the other player.
      We will start on Saturday, February 19, 2011. I have a tentative start time of 1:00 p.m.
      Andy Chen is a local film and video expert who does the live stream of Melissa Herndon’s Southern California ladies’ tournaments and is well-known in the pool community. He has worked in the past with The Action Report. He will be available to stream the match that weekend. You can find him on Facebook if you have any questions or would like to discuss promoting the match.
      I will send my post money to Hard Times by January 7, 2011, and you should do the same. This match cannot be publicized in any way until both parties have posted. Afterwards, please feel free to promote this match however you like.‘s forum is an active community and they will take an interest in this match.
      Thanks again for your patience, and happy new year!


I don’t care for the publicity, but since I feel she does, I give her some possible outlets through which she may publicize herself and/or this match. I won’t be doing any of the PR work. If she wants it to be publicized, she’ll have to do the work herself. I don’t give a shit. It crosses my mind that she may have sent me that photograph in the previous email expecting me to whip up some fabulous poster or billboard featuring her magnificent hairdildo.


Dec. 31, 2010 10:55 PM   sent via email from a “junghwa yang”
      Hello, I got ur message. I understand the format. But as far as sending a money order I dont feel too comfortable wit that. I dont know them and I feel better if I was to come out earlier. I Am traveling a little ways and I understand your concern and all. I hope we can come to an agreement. I do want to play but I have never heard of people mailing post up money for action. I will be there for sure if you say its a go. Talk to you soon
  10:55 PM   sent from her phone as 4 text messages
      I got ur message. I agree to the format. But as far as sending a money order I dont feel good doing that. I dont know them and all. I would feel better coming out earlier and post it then. I have never heard of people mailing post up money. I hope we can come to an agreement because I do want to play. I Am coming a little ways and I hope that is enough to confirm our game. So please get back. Asia


She’s never heard of mailing post up money for action.

I n t e r e s t i n g .

She doesn’t know the owner of the pool hall and doesn’t “feel good” sending him the post money. Because, you know, the owner of one of the most venerable pool halls in the United States would ditch his established business and all the money it pulls in — for $1,000. (In case you forgot, cubc had worried that The Action Report would run off with his $1,000 post money as well).

In the interest of being fair and friendly, I reply with a how-to on sending post money.


Jan. 1, 2011 12:10 PM   Hello,
      I have mailed post money before for matches. I sent a $500 certified check to Pool Sharks (owned by John Kutcher) in Las Vegas for the match with Borana. It is a deposit to show good faith to all parties (the room owner, the person doing the live stream, bettors, etc.) the match will happen and the amount I send is 25% of the total bet.             

      I do not recommend sending a money order. A money order is too much like cash and easily stolen with no record.
      I send a certified check from a bank to keep a record of the money being sent if any issues arise. When you get a certified check from a bank, there are three documents: the check itself, a carbon copy of the check for the bank’s records, and a carbon copy of the check for your records. There is a fee for the certified check which varies depending on the bank, but I believe it is usually $6 to $8. In addition, there is a “notes” section on the check. I usually put down the date of the match in that section and sometimes the name of my opponent if there is enough room.
      When I mail the check, I send it certified mail to ensure there is a record of the check being mailed. The post office will retain a copy of the mailing receipt, as will you, and someone will have to sign for the check when it is delivered. In addition, you will be able to track the letter online via the tracking number on the label.
      The room owner will cash the check and bring the cash to us prior to the beginning of the match to complete the total amount of our stakes.
      I understand your concerns about sending post money to someone you do not know.
      If you like, you can post a thread about the match on‘s forum before you send the post money. The forums have a wide audience and any publicity it generates will serve to police the situation. I can ask Eddie Arreguin to post in the thread confirming he has received our checks. If Eddie Arreguin wrongly keeps your money, you can publicize that in the thread and hold him accountable.
      I believe it is customary to send the post money to the owner of the room hosting the match. If you prefer, we can also send our post money to other local people:
      1. Dave Hemmah is the current house pro at Hard Times Billiards. He is well-known as being honest and reliable.
      2. Ernesto & Oscar Dominguez are two other well-known players with excellent reputations in the billiards world.
      3. Jay Helfert is a well-known pool player and commentator (he does commentary for the Mosconi Cup every year with Jim Wych). He has held money for matches before and is very well-known to’s forum community and the rest of the billiards world. He would probably also enjoy commentating the match if it is streamed.
      If there are other players with good reputations in this area you would be comfortable sending post money to, do suggest them. In any case, I will email you confirmation with photographic evidence of my check after I send it to our agreed-upon third party.
      I chose a later date in February to ensure that I will have all $4,000 for the match. I understand that you are traveling and I want to make the bet worth your trouble. If you like, we can try to schedule a time to play in March, in which case, we can probably play for more.


Okay, I lied in that email.

I don’t believe Mr. Helfert would enjoy commentating the match, but, what the hell. It sounded good at the time.

I recommend she use AZBilliards’ forums as “post-money police”, which has been used for other action matches. Have you seen how rabid they can get over there? Oh, wait, of course you have… 😉


Jan. 1, 2011 2:46 PM   sent from her phone as 6 text messages
      Hello again, first I would like to know the exact dates we are playing. I planned on going out there on the 10th of feb. I was going to play in a tournament and amazingly it is at the pool hall you say we are playing at. I can give the post up money to the owner than and we can play that next wkend as earlier planned. I feel better giving it in person and I am also willing to post the whole amt. That wknd b4. I am seriously serious about being there and I am willing to compromise. After our first time meeting each other I am sure we will be able to arrange events wit no concerns. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. Hope to hear from you soon. Asia…


I’ve given her the exact dates before but she doesn’t seem to have a good memory. Or she’s too lazy to look at previous emails/text messages.

One of my favorite phrases as of late, “seriously serious”, comes from this email.

Also, she mentions “events”. I sure hope she doesn’t mean to turn this into some sort of circus tour.


Jan. 3, 2011 3:24 PM   Hi,
      The exact dates are February 19, 20, and 21. We will start on February 19, which is a Saturday, and play until it is over. I do not think it will take all weekend, but I have included Sunday and Monday just in case.
      I should also mention that if you would like this match to be streamed, I feel the winner should tip the streamer as he will be doing it as an unpaid service, and we are using his time, equipment, and resources.
      The tournament you are referring to is the Swanee Memorial tournament. This year is the first year Hard Times Billiards will be hosting it.
      I understand your concerns regarding post money, but I do not want to prepare for a match that may not happen. If the amount of the post money is an issue, we can each post $500 instead of $1,000. As I have suggested before, if you do not trust the owner of Hard Times Billiards or any of the three people I have offered as an alternative (Dave Hemmah, Ernesto/Oscar Dominguez, Jay Helfert), you are more than welcome to offer your suggestions and we can work out a third party to hold our post money in escrow until we play.
      I know you are serious about playing, but I would require post money from any opponent for a match with a bet of this caliber, no matter how well I know them, and, in this case, we do not know each other at all.


You’ll see that “winner pays/tips” will become a minor issue in the emails. Why? Because we each think we’re going to win! Hahaha! I ask for the winner to pay because I want to ensure everyone gets what’s owed to them. I’m not familiar with Asia outside of what’s presented in her responses, but I get a feeling she’s not going to be willing to tip anyone, win or lose.


Jan. 3, 2011 4:11 PM   sent from her phone as 4 text messages
      I understand the dates and agree to the labor day wknd of Feb. 18 till the 20th. I also agree to all the terms. I will post the 500.00! I am interested to know if I can give it to Oscar Dominguez at the derby since I will be there and I will feel good knowing he has it. Please check wit him to see if it is ok. If that meets the requirements please let me know so I can arrange the trip by the 5th of Feb. Thank you. Hope to hear from you soon. Asia The Goldenchild…             


Some observations:

It’s not Labor Day Weekend; it’s President’s Day Weekend. It’s not February 18-20; it’s February 19-21. I’ve repeated this before already. I think she needs to write it down. She will not give the post money to the owner of an established pool hall, but she has no problems giving it to someone she doesn’t know (I asked Oscar Dominguez if he knows who she is — he does not). She’s now officially signing with her nickname. “Goldenchild” is one word, please take note. Good news is, she’s willing to post $500.

I don’t send an immediate reply, and receive an enthusiastic response the next day:


Jan. 4, 2011 3:18 PM   sent from her phone as 6 text messages
      Hey, I been thinking bout it and I agree to fly out to LA on Feb 18 to the 20th. We play 2 sets ahead races to 21. For 2000.00 each totalling 4000.00 pot! Post the money before the match starts. Texas express rules apply. Winner pays time!
I will post the 500.00 in advance. But as far as the live stream goes it really doesnt matter to me whether it is there or not. So I feel that is irrelevant to our negotiating. If it is there than fine but if it is necessary to tip I think
both parties are responsible. But I would like to know how much. I am the one traveling which I agreed to but I also
feel that my expenses are way more extreme than yours. I just want to play! Asia The Goldenchild…


She’s really happy about all this. Exclamation points!! OMG! PONIES!!

Streaming is now unnecessary. This is the third time she mentions it. She probably thinks I really want it streamed. Since she doesn’t care either way, and she doesn’t want to do winner tips the streamer, I tell Andy Chen to cancel the streaming.

She acknowledges that she agreed to traveling for this match, even with the extreme expenses.


Jan. 4, 2011 4:04 PM   Oscar Dominguez says he is unable to take our post money. He will not be in town the weekend we are playing and he is also not going to the Derby City Classic.
      I have told Andy Chen we no longer need the match to be live streamed.


We’re back to where we started.


Jan. 4, 2011 4:33 PM   sent from her phone as a text message
      So does this mean we are still playing on those dates Asia The Goldenchild…


I wasn’t aware our match revolved around Oscar Dominguez, but apparently it does. The idea of getting someone else to hold the post money hasn’t occurred to her yet.


Jan. 4, 2011 4:04 PM   We will still begin play on February 19.
      Since you are familiar with Oscar Dominguez, you can ask him to vouch for Eddie Arreguin, the owner of Hard Times, as a suitable person to hold the post money. In addition, he will be there that weekend as he is the owner of the pool room.
      Otherwise, you may suggest other people in this area you trust to hold the post money. The billiards world is close-knit and I believe we will be able to find someone we both agree upon.


I say for the third time, at least, that the match will begin on February 19. I introduce the idea of finding another person to hold the post.


Jan. 4, 2011 5:35 PM   sent from her phone as 2 text messages
      I will see you on the 18th in LA. I will post the money b4 then to the owner. Look forward to playing! Asia The Goldenchild…


She gets the date wrong again. Is this some sort of passive-aggressive thing? At least she is posting the money to the owner of Hard Times.


Jan. 5, 2011 10:13 AM   I will give my $500 to the owner of Hard Times in person this Sunday. After I get the cashier’s check from the bank this week, I will send you an email with a photograph of the check.
      Please send your post money by the end of next week. You can send it via USPS Priority Mail which has the Delivery Confirmation feature. If you do not, then this match is off.
      I will see you on February 19.


Things are finally moving along.

I give her the ultimatum that she has to post by end of next week or the match is off. This is the one instance I am being firm about something. She must commit to playing. I’m stupid enough to play someone whose speed I don’t know, but I’m not stupid enough not to make them post. (Of course, this comes up again, later…)

I also say (AGAIN) that we will begin play on February 19.


Jan. 5, 2011 10:44 PM   sent from her phone as 5 text messages
      Got your message. If posting the money is a big deal I will do it by the 22nd. If that is not good then let me know. I
am the one coming out there playing by your requirements. Dont you live right there. I could understand if you were coming out here but I am the one traveling and paying more. I will still be there for the swanson tournament so let me know whats really good. Either you really wanna play or ya dont.  Its really not this hard to get action or at least as I remember Asia The Goldenchild…


By now, we’ve gone from she’s totally okay to flying out here to play me to it’s not fair that she’s traveling and paying more. I like that she questions whether or not I want to play. I think that’s a question I should be asking her. She’s right: it’s not that hard to get action. In which case, she could ask any number of local players for games.

Oh, right.

She asked me because she’s seen me play and she thinks she’s going to rob me.


Jan. 5, 2011 10:49 AM   January 22nd is fine.
  12:17 PM   sent from her phone as 3 text messages
      I am sending the money by the 22nd. Bank check. Now will this be streamed or not? I just wanna know what the tip is for
the winner to pay. After this match will you be coming up here any time soon. Like during the expo? Asia The Goldenchild             


Seriously? The streaming issue AGAIN? Gawd. If she wants to play again during the Super Billiards Expo, it is no doubt she sees me as a good, solid retirement plan. She doesn’t know I’m a pool player, does she? The most you could win from me might buy you a used Yugo.


Jan. 5, 2011 12:37 PM   As of now, there will be no streaming.
      Andy Chen may have another project that day which would take priority over our match. If he should stream our match, I believe it would be fair to tip him $100 per day as must be there early to set up his equipment as well as stay there for the duration of the match.
      Currently, I do not plan on going to Super Billiards Expo this year as it is not within my budget.


Not sure why we’re still talking here. My post money is going in on Sunday. Her post money should be there within two weeks. Why are we still discussing anything?


Jan. 5, 2011 1:18 PM   sent from her phone as 4 text messages
      If you want to go to the expo let me know. I can take care of the arrangements. Also if it is better for you to play then that is good for me too. They have a good pool hall there. Wit lots of action. We will just have our own… Let me know. Either way I can come out there. I will be there on the 10th for that other tourney if we are still on. Ttyl. Have a good night. 🙂 Asia The Goldenchild


Dude, WTF?

She went from being on the brink of rage in the last message to offering to take care of the arrangements for me for a trip to the Super Billiards Expo. I don’t know how we match up in pool, but at least I know we’re even in being bipolar. I even got a smiley face.


Maybe it’s because you should always be nice to someone when you’re taking their money.


Jan. 5, 2011 4:53 PM   Thank you for your offer of taking care of arrangements for the Super Billiards Expo, but I am still not planning to go as I do not have that many vacation days to take off from work this year. However, thank you again — it is most kind of you to offer.
      Since you traveled for this initial match, I will travel for the rematch.
      I may not play in the Swanee tournament, but I will see you there if I do, or if I stop by to watch. Good luck, and I look forward to meeting you and playing our match.


Barring any future redonkulousness, this is where it all stands. If the money isn’t posted by January 22, then screw it. Otherwise, you’ll see me once again risk lots of my own hard-earned money on a match with an opponent whose speed I know nothing about.


Jan. 10, 2011 11:05 AM   I delivered this to Hard Times Billiards yesterday. Eddie Arreguin was not there in person. I left for him at the front counter, along with my contact information.


And now, we wait.


Jan. 14, 2011 3:24 PM   sent from her phone as a text message
      I am sorry but I have to cancel our match. Possibly we can reschedule at a later date. Asia Cantnobodyholdmedown…



Serious seriously.

But, really, not like we didn’t figure this was a HUGE possibility. You know, Action With a Chance of Jackassery. Whatever.

Also note that her nickname has changed yet again. No longer is she named after a substandard Kung-Fu comedy featuring Eddie Murphy, now she is – something. I don’t know. I do know that her new language does not use spaces, punctuation, or any fucking sense.


Jan. 14, 2011 3:24 PM   sent from her phone as a text message
      I am sorry but I have to cancel our match. Possibly we can reschedule at a later date. Asia Cantnobodyholdmedown…


I inform all involved parties that the match is off. It takes me a couple of days. I also go ahead and use what money I’ve saved on a bunch of other stuff I had originally set aside in favor of this match.


Jan. 18, 2011 12:16 PM   That is most unfortunate. May I ask why?
Jan. 18, 2011 12:34 PM   sent from her phone as 3 text messages
      It looks as though I can make it. But I will not be able to post the money till the 5th. The 500.00. I had a family issue. I really do want to play. So if this meets your acceptance, please let me know. I can also post all the money that wknd b4. So you can call and see. 4000.00 that wknd b4. Asia Cantnobodyholdmedown…


Ugh. This is becoming a bit of a drag. What kind of pool player recommences betting $4,000 when they have/had a family emergency?! Well, I can’t be the one to judge — everyone has their own reasons.


Jan. 19, 2011 9:17 AM   Hello,
      I am sorry to hear you had a family issue and I hope everything is well now.
      I have already told Hard Times the match is off and I cancelled my cashier’s check as well. I was not expecting you to change your mind about the cancellation, so I went ahead and paid in advance for a trip to visit my family.
      Since the previous match and negotiations were negated with the first cancellation, I propose the following, which I believe should work for both of us.
      You are coming here for the Swanee tournament. We can play that Sunday. I will not be playing in the tournament as I must work mornings on both days. I do not know how late the tournament will run as this is the first time Hard Times is hosting it, but I believe we should be able to get a table in the tournament room as the number of players winds down Sunday afternoon.
      I cannot guarantee that I will have $4,000 as I have already mentioned I was not expecting you to change your mind about the match cancellation. I will, however, have at least $2,000 and we can negotiate match specifics then. Thus, you do not need to post the $500.
      I will most likely stop by the tournament Saturday evening.
      Until then, best wishes to you and your family.


Don’t you worry — I can hear every single one of you yelling at the monitor about how I should have made her post. Hindsight is always 20/20.

There was a part of me that figured she wasn’t going to show up and if she truly had a family emergency, she would need that $500, anyways. To quote a well-known movie: “Even bad men love their mommas.” As twaddle-witted as she was, she probably had people she cared about and who cared about her.

I decided I’d be nice and forgo the post money. If she showed, that would be a miracle in itself.

Jan. 19, 2011 5:39 PM   sent from her phone as a text message
      Thanks for understanding. That sounds good. I will see you then and we can work it out. Asia Cantnobodyholdmedown…


February 11, 2011

As you can imagine, I had practiced up for this match as much as I could. True, she was a bit flaky and there was more of a chance she wouldn’t show than show — but I figured a little more practice wouldn’t hurt. 🙂

In addition, I worked overtime at my job, all the way until the day of the match. This was to ensure I had the entire amount I said I would have. A little more money wouldn’t hurt, either.

Someone mentioned to me that Asia Cycak had not been on the players list for the Swanee Tournament. Hmm. Well, she might still show up — so I continued to practice like she would.

Feb. 11, 2011 4:57 PM   sent from her phone as a text message
      Are u Still playing? Please let me know. Thx Asia Cantnobodyholdmedown…
Feb. 11, 2011 5:41 PM   Yes.


I find it interesting she thought I might be a “flight risk” in this match.



February 12, 2011

This was the day before the match and the first day of the Swanee tournament. After work in the morning, I took the bus to Hard Times to watch the matches (and there were some GREAT ones). While I was watching, the owner of Hard Times tapped me on the shoulder and told me Asia Cycak was here to see me.

I went over to the counter and, lo and behold, there she was, tattoos, cheesy fake bling, ghetto fabulous manicure and all. She was solidly built (like a concrete wall) and from the attitude she slung around, I guessed she was used to being more than a little rude and intimidating her opponents.

After letting me take in this dazzling display of plastic and glitter for a moment, she asked me what I wanted to do. I said I had $2,000 and would play one set. She asked if I was sure I didn’t want to play several sets of a lesser amount. I said no. I don’t like to waste time. We agreed on the rules (Texas Express), the starting time (7:00 p.m.), the table (Table 10 in the tournament room), and then the fateful, “We hold our own stakes?” This was asked with more than a touch of hostility. I thought about the fact that she didn’t trust the owner of this pool hall and the only other person she did trust (Oscar Dominguez) was in the tournament, and would likely still be in the tournament tomorrow — and I didn’t want to bother him. So, I said holding our own stakes was fine. After all, she flew out here, got a hotel, paid expenses — I figured she was stuck enough that she’d have to see the set through to at least make a little money.

She gave me a little speech about having been out of pool for a while and she was trying to get back into it, etc., and mentioned she would be in town until Wednesday. She then stalked back through the tournament crowd and I returned to my perch (best seat in the house) near the streaming table.



February 13, 2011

After work, I had a little nap. A kind friend offered to drive me to Hard Times after an early dinner. When I got to Hard Times, it was only a little past 6:00 p.m. and the tournament was still going strong. I noticed Ms. Cycak practicing in the middle row of tables. She’d probably been there a while. I watched matches for a little bit and then snuck on over to where the tournament directors (Mark and Sunny Griffin — harro!) were.

I asked them if I could use Table 10, the table I told Ms. Cycak we would be playing on, after the current round (Oscar Dominguez and Tommy Topokh were playing on Table 9) was over. They replied in the affirmative. After the match on Table 9 concluded, they would only use the streaming table (Table 6) and Table 8, leaving enough space so that my match wouldn’t interfere with the tournament. I went to get the balls from the front counter. I brought them back and placed them on Table 10, while trying to make sure I disturbed the players as little as possible.

Ms. Cycak followed me into the tournament room and she made a move to start practicing on Table 10, but the glares of spectators and tournament officials alike stopped her. She did, however, manage to flop her cue case on to the table and hit the table light in the process, sharking the tournament players. I apologized for her.

The match on Table 9 ended and people began to clear out. Ms. Cycak threw out the balls on Table 10 and began to hit some shots. I asked, “Are you ready?”

“I need to hit some balls,” she snorted. “I haven’t played on this table yet.”

“Yeah? Neither have I.” I stood next to the table. She came over and we counted the money. I didn’t consider putting the money on the light because I don’t like the general public to actually see the money up there. Robberies happen this way. She won the flip, we put in our earphones, and we began.


The above photograph from illustrates very well, Jessica “Asia” Cycak’s “bitch-face”. She spent a good part of the weekend being rude to people, including the staff of Hard Times. She tried to pick a fight with one of the girls behind the counter when she wanted to see a cue, asking, “Why the F*CK you keep lookin’ at me, bitch?” The girl behind the counter informed her that they had to watch customers with merchandise because — gasp! — they might run off with it. 😉


The first few games were fugly. There were a lot of innings, a lot of misses, and a lot of scratching. In addition, most people walking in and out of the tournament room had no idea we were playing for anything and so, walked back and forth in front of us, attempted to talk to me, waved at us, tripped, walked by really, really slowly with a cane and a cup of coffee, dropped shit, tied their shoes, yelled in Spanish — you name it. I swear, everything shy of a vehicle crashing through the wall or a woman giving birth passed before us.

Yes, all that inevitably pissed me off because, dammit, I was playing for a decent amount and I am incredibly hot-tempered. I reminded myself, though, that the only person that gives a shit about your money is you. And if you want to keep that money, you’ll fight for it.

I forced myself to put aside the frustration and focus. At one point, one of the local players who does not like me at all and is guaranteed to bet against me, came down from the stands, stood in front of me while I was about to shoot, and began to talk loudly to me right in my face. I knew she knew I was in a match — and she’d likely bet against me. I stared past her face and let her blabber on. There was a time when an asshole move like that by a railbird would have set me off, but I was beyond that now. I maintained my focus because I knew if I did, and I won, I’d probably cost her money — which is the best revenge on a railbird ever.

Ms. Cycak was a good shot. She had a better stroke than I did and made numerous multi-rail shots as well as some spectacular cuts. We were evenly matched until at four or five games apiece, I caught some very lucky rolls and scooted forward. Ms. Cycak then started to text a lot on her phone. I gave her a lot of chances in many games but she, surprisingly, did not get out. I think she might have gotten out if she had paid attention.

At 13-6, she said she was going to the restroom. This was not unusual. Fifteen minutes later, Ernesto Dominguez (who had sat down to watch the match along with Oscar) said, “Where is she? Maybe she left?” Several people had seen her and at least two mentioned they saw her outside. But then, she was gone, leaving her cues and case behind and her glove on her chair.

I went outside and called her and got sent to her voicemail. I left her a message. I came back inside and Oscar said he would try to contact her. He sent her a text message saying he got her number from Facebook and was she planning on returning to the match? She sent back a one-word response, “sure”. Oscar sent another text message asking “sure” she was coming back or “sure” she was NOT coming back? She did not answer and when Oscar went to send a message through Facebook, he found she had deleted him.

And, so, there you have it.


Of course, people are mad for me and heaven knows how many of you are mad at me for not making her post, but live and learn. I acted believing in the best of humanity and was rightfully punished for thinking the best of my opponent. I forget, sometimes, that pool players are a different species of human.

I’m amused by this whole thing because, according to many people she played and/or talked to that weekend, she thought she was there to rob me. She was so confident, so cocky, that several of my friends told me it might be a better idea to wait for her to play someone else in order to better gauge her speed. But, I had made a committment and I told them it was too late — I would have to play. I think she may have been mildly surprised I could hold a cue correctly and maybe that I could, on occasion, make three balls in a row. I don’t know how suprised she must have been to ditch the match when the score was only 13-6. I still had eight games to go meaning she could wage a comeback and still win.

She went through all the trouble and expense to come here to play for two reasons: fame and money. She leaves with lots of one and not so much of the other. She’s still in the hole for her expenses and if she’s running with stakehorse money, I think they may enjoy hunting her down.



But, wait!

There’s more.




February 14, 2011

In the middle of the afternoon, I received a call from Oscar Dominguez. This meant serious business, since most everyone knows I hate phone calls. If you’re calling, it’d better be an emergency. And, so it was.

Apparently, Asia Cycak had text messaged Oscar to tell him she wanted to resume the match. She wanted to resume the match as it had stood, with me at a six-game lead. Oscar immediately corrected her that it was a seven-game lead. She asked Oscar to tell me to call her.


Okay, I suppose everyone deserves a second chance, even lowlifes. Still, with a seven-game lead, I had to like the game. I would not call her, though, since we all know what kind of person she is. I sent the following message to both her email and her phone number.


Feb. 14, 2011 7:14 PM   We play tomorrow, at Hard Times, at 4:00 p.m. on table 10.
      We resume at the score as it stood when you left. You had 6 games (white score beads), and I had 13 (orange score beads), going to 21.
      We will each post $2,000 with [redacted], who currently has your cues and will be bringing them back for you for this match. You may ask Oscar Dominguez to vouch for [redacted], if you are not familiar with him.
      I will continue our exchanges regarding this match via email as we have in the past. I will not call you.


I waited a few hours and received no response. The thought occurred to me that since Ms. Cycak didn’t seem all that bright, I should probably be more specific in my email.


Feb. 14, 2011 11:20 PM   I did not make it clear in my last email so I shall clarify here:
      You will need to respond to this email
      You may respond with “yes”, meaning you agree to the terms outlined in the previous email (included below for reference), or “no”, meaning you do not agree and will not play.
      You must respond within two hours.
      If you do not respond at all, I will take it as an indication that you do not wish to continue the match.


There was no response by the deadline.

The next morning, I asked Oscar to send her one more text message. No response.

Oscar did mention that throughout their text message conversation, Ms. Cycak believed she was perfectly right in doing what she did. She did not believe anything she did was wrong or out of line.



February 15, 2011

Jessica “Asia” Cycak was spotted prowling around the highroller tables at Hawaiian Gardens Casino. She still had the hairdildo. Accessorized with chopsticks.



AFP : Always F*cking Post

Yes, I know that now, thank you. 🙂

Once again, I’m not all that bummed by this incident. I didn’t lose any money and the whole thing, shenanigans and all, was great for my game. By nature, I’m incredibly lazy. I might be a little driven, but without purpose or direction, drive is nothing.

I’m one of the few women players out there with absolutely no natural talent. Before this match, I asked two top players, independently of each other, to sum up the greatest weakness of my game in one word. They both said the same thing: draw. I asked for one drill from each of them and for the next two months, I did these drills almost exclusively. That’s hours and hours and hours of the same shot. I never wavered from the regimen I set for myself and — tada! It worked. Those two drills brought my game up significantly in two months.

Yes, I missed a chance to get $2,000, but I still have my own stake and, better yet, my game is better than when this whole debacle began — and you can’t buy that kind of improvement.

Just ask the Hedgehog.



61 Replies to “euthanASIA is too good for her”

    1. It’s everything I said it would be… but, don’t worry, there’s unfinished business and the year is still young.

  1. Hi Miss H:

    Thanks for the very amusing account. I am glad that you have such a positive attitude about what happened. Seems some of your fans are more pissed about the “stiff” than you are. Funny that she was looking for fame and now she has achieved infamy. Please let us know any further occurrences in this aftermath. I do need the laughter. Thanks again for another wonderful and amusing chapter in the gambling/adventures of OMGWTF.

    1. I understand why others are more angry than I, personally, am. While I didn’t lose any money or reputation, this kind of behavior is a black mark on the sport in general. It perpetuates the image that billiards is full of degenerates and therefore, not worthy of a higher place in society or corporate sponsorship.

  2. i love how she texts everything twice, like an echo. which is exactly what happened after she left. “hello…hello…”

    hey, at least your draw’s better. 🙂

  3. Wow, that reads like one of the emails we get from someone wanting to buy a bunch of cues only to find that they want to pay with a stolen credit card and have it shipped to Ghana or Indonesia. Entertaining as always though.

    Oh and for the record, The Golden Child was one of Eddie’s greatest movies. It just goes unappreciated because you youngsters didn’t get to see it on the big screen like I did. 😉

    1. All right, I’ll give that movie another chance. At least the gold isn’t painted on, right? 😉

      I think you should do a blog post on those people trying to scam you! Must be funny when they want cues shipping to the boondocks of the world…

  4. Melinda,what a roller coster ride it must have been after being up seven games and thinking that you’re going home $2K winner and instead getting stuck with table time.

    I sure admire the heart you showed to play someone unseen for that kind of money especially since she knew your game. Only someone that loves the game like you do would do something like this.

    But like you said something good did come of it, your game did improve.

    I love your blog.

    1. We’ll never know if I was going to win it all, anyways. 🙂

      In this cynical age and in this cynical sport, it’s not always about the money — I’m very glad to being playing better.

  5. Well, I’m sure there are worse ways to learn a lesson. Just so ya know, any true North Carolinian posts.

  6. Melinda I’ve been a fan for a while and and now I’m an even bigger fan. You are in the 1% of pool population that would have taken that match. You have a ton of heart. Looking forward to seeing your upgraded game. Curious if Ms Andoni could fade Melinda 2.0

  7. Ok, you know, this was all interesting and all that but, Really?? I didn’t know you hated phone calls. :-/

    1. Yep. I like text-based communication far more. This has more to do with the fact that I am busy almost every waking minute. Rarely have time for an extended chat.

  8. You’re the sh*t…you know that? I got a present for you…you’ll get it on Saturday at Mr Pockets. If you show, that it 🙂

  9. Glad to hear your being positive about it. It still sucks nonetheless though and its not right either, that girl has no class. The pool community is a tight one and word of what she did will follow her for a long time. On the plus side your playing better and that is what its all about.

    1. Karma will probably get to her faster than I can. I don’t doubt she will run into people who don’t have my sense of humor about such matters.

      In the end, I’d just like people to think “Hairdildo” every time they hear her mentioned. Bwahahaha!

  10. Life will go on for Asia in her diggs where they know her speed. She may not text matches again for it takes the he/she said … vs…she said out of the equation.

    At work, I E-Mail everyone and avoid phone conversations. This drives the liars crazy when they can’t voice lies and deny later. You are a smart cookie….but you have a job and know what I am sayin. LOL

    You will lose action with those that don’t text???

    This blog was…”Just the facts Mam.” and not as colorful as it could have been if you used more colors and artistic license.LOL

    Great read.


    1. I could be more colorful, but other people aside from Hairdildo were mentioned in this blog. Thus, I kept it straightforward out of respect for them. 🙂

  11. You really put up with a ration of shit. Sorry for ya. Everyone knows you have a ton of heart and you are gonna snap off another one of these good challenge matches,like you did in 08. Never lose your great sense of humor. Hope to see you at future events.

    1. I’ve said it before: entertaining the masses certainly makes the occasional crappiness of my life easier to bear. 🙂

      I’ll never lose my sense of humor, I think I can guarantee that without posting beforehand.

  12. What a brutal story and what a numbnuts of a person this Asia is. You have so much heart. I think I have a lot of heart and I wish I had a tenth of yours. In my book you’re an inspiration to pool players everywhere.

    1. She’ll never get what she truly wants, which is fame as an elite pool player and gambler. And she’ll get what’s coming to her. The bad ones always do. 😉

  13. So much verbage over such an NON issue.

    It is way too much text space to waste on the scum of pool players.

    But, I do enjoy reading your blogs and the comments.

    1. There’s only something to write about when things go wrong. Had I won, no one would have known. 😉

  14. Hi Miss H:

    Hairdildo ALERT: She is posting a mile a minute on AZB forums right now and claiming she did not ditch (dip?) the match. It was all a misunderstanding, if I read her right….Don’t know if you’re interested, but just thought I’d let you know….

  15. How do you spell obfuscating or deflecting or cognitive dissonance?

    Wow there is some food for fodder there on AZ Main.

  16. She is throwing the guantlet.
    Will you bite?
    Your beatdown of Asia should continue.
    She wants you to reply on AZ.
    We await your reply or not. LOL

    1. Justice was served long before this incident ever arose and will continue to be served — but not by any of us. She will always be her own best punishment.

      We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.

  17. OMG:

    Just finished the huge (and entertaining) TIME-Suck first on the AZB thread and now here. Sorry you had to go through that, but really admire your take-away attitude. My first thoughts was this gal left carrying two heaping suitcases full of some pretty bad karma as her ‘winnings.’ Euthanasia may be too good, but the public evisceration she’s received to her ‘reputation’ is as you said, “Priceless”.

    BTW – I really enjoy your writing style. I’ve been known to have a bit of that dry sarcasm myself once or thirty seven thousand times.

    Cheers & keep the positive outlook.


    PS; Am guessing Blondie’s “Call Me” is not your personal theme song, is it?

    1. This was, overall, a fun and enlightening experience. 🙂 My writing style is definitely not tailored for the masses and never will be, thus the huge divide on whether or not my writing holds any actual literary value (it doesn’t).

      And yes, with the advent of text messaging and email, I HIGHLY prefer that to actually talking on the phone. I, personally, prefer to communicate that way because I feel it is less intrusive — I live in constant terror I will be THAT person who calls at a bad time. :-p

      1. Literary value is overrated.

        I also abhor talking on the phone. I am so much happier texting.

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