fund sarcasm


October 2018
« Nov    


• 2013 Majors

BCAPL National 8-Ball Championships
Rio All-Suite Las Vegas Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, NV
first time at the Rio (adios Riviera) and things get epic
Hard Times 10-Ball Open
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
just a lil pre-Vegas warm up tournament
West Coast Challenge
$4,000 added One Pocket
$10,000 added 10-Ball
California Billiard Club
Mountain View, CA
last event at this location before they close (sadface)
Cole Dickson Memorial 9-Ball
Family Billiards
San Francisco, CA
for legendary road player Cole Dickson
Pots 'N' Pans Memorial 9-Ball
Pool Sharks
Las Vegas, NV
celebrating hustler Bernard Rogoff, better known as "Pots 'N' Pans"
TAR35 | Dennis Orcollo vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second and third days
TAR33 | Francisco Bustamante vs Alex Pagulayan
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second (1P) and part of third (10B) day
TAR32 | Ronnie Alcano vs Jayson Shaw
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
GREAT match • Andy Mercer Memorial 9-Ball Tournament coverage
Chet Itow Memorial 9-Ball
California Billiards Club
Mountain View, CA
drank too much to do good coverage, but here it is, anyway
Jay Swanson Memorial 9-Ball
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
let Robocop show you how to run a six-pack, Citizen
TAR31 | Mike Dechaine vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
TAR30 | Darren Appleton vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
the boys are back in town
» Huidji See
» Donny Mills
the best kind of New Year's Sandwich
that's not okay
you know that I'm no good
on being a reasonable human being with realistic expectations
instasham series
stories from the distant and slightly-less-distant past
the only people for me are the mad ones
questions, tournaments, bets, running 26.2 miles


The Action Report
purveyor of fine challenge matches between highly-skilled players of note
Cue Times Billiard News
Colorado's best resource for all things pool-related
Jack Justis Cases
the choice of champions
Sugartree Customs
made by Eric "Slower Than Snails" Crisp, if and when he feels like it
Tucker Cue Works
"If you feel the need to ask me how your cue is progressing every week then maybe there is a better choice of cuemakers out there for you."
Kurzweils' Country Meats
yes, meat



more magical than Harry Potterbut not as magical as Lord of the Rings   Magic Ball Rack & a mission
I have a couple of upcoming tournaments, one or two of which will require travel beyond the capabilities of public transit. I will be fundraising in the coming months to help defray the costs. Today, I have some Magic Ball Racks available.
These are the second generation of Magic Ball Racks, made from a more durable plastic, and colored black so you don’t forget it’s on the table after you break. 🙂 Each set comes with both an 8-ball and 9/10-ball rack featuring the logos of CueSports International, Bad Boy Billiard Productions, and TAR (The Action Report).
Price is $18.00 which includes shipping within the Continental USA
I don’t have very many of these and when they’re gone, they’re GONE! You can pay via the PayPal button below.


omgwtf @ work
& you thought only my billiards life was “interesting”

Recently, my work decided to contract the services of a large (they have worldwide offices) media company. As is my job, I read through the proposals and the contract. Everything seemed hunky-dory. We would use their services for a year and they would bill us in four equal quarterly installments. On the contract, “Fees for term” were shown to be $60,350 and under that, “Fees per invoice” were shown to be $15,088.

I’m quite lacking in the math department, but even I immediately saw that $15,088 x 4 does not equal $60,350.

It wasn’t a big deal, probably just a typo on their part. I needed further clarification on some of their terms and conditions anyways, so I figured I’d point out the discrepancy in the same email I was about to send to the “Business Solutions Manager” that was handling our account.

I sent an email with some questions about the terms and conditions and I asked to verify that there were four invoices and total cost. He replied with:

We will be charging $15,088 per invoice which totals $60,350 for the initial term which is a year.

Does that make sense?

Well, no. It doesn’t make sense. But maybe this “Business Solutions Manager” is just overlooking the erroneous addition. I had some other questions, and then included:

Since the total for the year is $60,350, then each quarterly invoice will be for $15,087.50, correct?

In his response email, he answered the other questions, but did not address my query about the erroneous addition. I sent another email specifically asking about the incorrect addition. He ignored that as well.


I called the f#cker.

“You’re billing in four, equal quarterly invoices, correct?”


“You DO know that four invoices of $15,088 DO NOT add up to $60,350, right?”

“They don’t?”

“They add up to $60,352, which is two dollars over the agreed amount.”

He blithely replied, “Oh, well, I’ll just tack on an additional two dollars to the section that says ‘Delivery’, then.”

“What? No. You can’t just arbitrarily add to the expense, even if it’s just two dollars. That wasn’t the agreed upon amount.” Although I was irritated with this dumbass f#cker, I was more interested in getting a solution. “Just change the amount listed on the contract to $15,087.50 for each invoice.”

“Oh, I can’t do that.”


“Our billing department doesn’t bill in decimals.”


This is an excellent time to insert Facepalm Gallery.

O M G W T F ? !


“Are you SERIOUS? IT DOESN’T BILL IN DECIMALS?! That’s ridiculous!”

“Well, uhm, I guess I could check, but I’ve only ever seen them bill in round numbers. You know, without the cents.”

More like without the sense. “That’s absolutely moronic. I have never heard of a business that ‘doesn’t bill in decimals’. For the amount we’re paying, your billing department WILL bill in decimals, I assure you.”

He tried to evade the question. “Oh. Well, here. I’ll just tack on the two dollars to the “Delivery” section. That’ll fix everything!”

“No.” This dude needs to be put on a rocket and shot into the sun. I could detect an endless spiral of asshattery fluttering about on the horizon so I decided to test something, “If you change that amount, you’ll have to go back and change every instance of the total in the proposal and the contract. It’s easier to just change the invoice amount since that only appears once, in the contract.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess you’re right. Okay then, I’ll just change it there!”

“So… You, uh, don’t have to check with the, uh, “Billing Department” to see if you’re ‘allowed to bill in decimals’ before you do that?”

He was silent, remembering what he had said before. F#cker has the memory of a goldfish. But a goldfish might be smarter.

“Oh. Um, haha. Yeah, I guess not. I, uh, can just do it and send you the revised contract…” He trailed off into silence.

“Think of better excuses if you’re going to be lazy.”


“And get a goddam calculator.”

“Yeah. Sorry.”


14 comments to addendum

  • Rich R.

    I think you are right about the goldfish being smarter, without a doubt.

  • Brian in VA

    People think you have to sit around and write comedy. You just have to watch and listen! I can’t tell you how many similar conversations I’ve had in the world of business that were almost exactly like this. Nice to know that no one has a corner on dumbassedness.

    • Brian in VA

      Paypal sent for the magic rack, too!

    • Adhesive Remover

      I am truly amazed at some of the inept people we all run into on a daily basis. My mom would always marvel that these people were still alive and functioning.

      • Brian in VA

        I’m writing this from Seat 10D on an AA flight from Dallas back to Richmond. I could do 10 minutes at a stand up club with what I’ve observed on my two flights today. The only problem with the Darwin theory is that it’s just not fast enough for my taste. Good luck with the fundraising!

  • Hidy Ho

    Bummer .. I just bought 5 sets of Magic Racks a couple of weeks ago as I often get 1) ridiculed for using the Magic Rack for practice and wanting to use it for miniscule actions and then 2) get asked where I got ’em and where they can buy some. I just sell ’em for my costs.

  • MM

    I love the opportunity to mess with the morons. (not to be confused with Mormons, whom I also love to mess with 😉

    Reminds me of when we used to serve food at the pool hall and on the menu, it clearly stated, 6 inch pizza $?.?? and 12 inch pizza $?.??
    I can’t count on fingers and toes, how many times the following conversation happened…
    customer: “How big is a 6 inch pizza?”
    me: (raised eyebrow) “6 inches.”
    customer: “yeah, but how big is that?” (holding hands up in a gesture of size)
    me: “Ummmm… 6 inches.” (smiling)
    customer: “Can I just see what it looks like?!”
    me: “Sure! All you had to do was ask.”
    (more maniacal giggling ensues…)

  • Zack

    I’d love to buy a set of magic racks… but I’m waiting for the perfect key-chain to show up first so I can order both. Remember, pain/torture/pool themed. Maybe sweat and blood as well.

  • […] Workplace idiocy has frazzled me to the point where I wish I could sell Magic Ball Racks for a living. […]