10-Ball Junkie – 2007 Desert Dust Off, Phoenix

listening to
Carrie Underwood
“…right now, he’s probably dabbing on three dollars worth of that bathroom Polo…”

a Kit Kat bar
gimme a break

obsessed with
candles and candleholders
I’m a chick who likes fire, what more can I say?

my very own Mother
I will use your donation wisely, for laundry quarters and various cleaning supplies

Requisite Slide Show

Gives Flinstones the 6. Look at all the colors!
Interesting vitamins.
Sold at the Walgreens on the corner.
Love the Southwest.
Visit sometime if you haven’t already.


At this fun little barbox tournament, I found the answer to one of (my) Life’s age-old questions–who is the dude who dresses up like Elvis to play pool? He was at the IPT Las Vegas, resplendent in metallic purple suit and slicked-back black pompadour. He was also at the 2007 Derby City Classic.

That dude, mi amigos, is Mr. Jim Weast [OK, 13th – $175].

What Would Elvis Do? Iraq. Ibreaq.

I apologize for the poor photo quality and thank Mr. Rick Schmitz for the nice photo on the left. The conditions for taking glorious glamour shots of the Elusive Billiards King with my cell phone camera were substandard.

This outfit featured BRIGHT RED SATIN triple-pleat pants WITH MATCHING JACKET, matching alligator shoes, and a white belt. You can clearly see the classic mutton-chop sideburns.

Do I have an opinion on this? I’m not sure. Napoleon put it best when he said, “From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.” Sublime? Ridiculous? I don’t know. Just hand me the Excedrin when you’re done with it.

Now, someone answer me: why is it that most Elvis impersonators choose to emulate Elvis in his peanut-butter-banana years and not in his chart-zooming hip-shaking years? Young Elvis was pretty hot. Older Elvis was–substantially less hot. And now we know all those Oklahoma sightings don’t count.

Shane Van Boening [SD, 13th – $175], you were dressed awfully spiffy for a bar tournament.

Doing business at the table.

I ain't scared of you, mister!

The first day, you had the Euro-Assasin look: black pants, black shirt, and black lizard belt with silver buckle. My roadtrip caravan of a pony, two hamsters, and a cricket (that’s me–I don’t bark, I chirp) wasn’t sure if you knew beforehand that this was a bar tournament.

You pleasantly surprised us the next day by manfully sticking to your guns, dressed in the light brown pants and crisp white dress shirt of My First Day Going For An MBA while the rest of us woke up, sniffed last night’s shirt and decided no one would object to the complex aroma of three different kinds of spilled beer, some Jack Daniels, cigarette smoke, chicken salad, and cold French fries–and even if they did, they smelled just like us, anyways. On Sunday, you broke out your best with a nifty, shimmery, color-changing maroon dress shirt. Very club-trendy. You and Stevie Moore could open a boutique.

I think you were the only person dressed in this semi-formal manner at the event. It definitely made you stand out, and I applaud your efforts (however futile) to bring up the fashion level of barbox pool.

I am assuming you dressed for your own (and perhaps your sponsors’) satisfaction, as I am not sure you were looking to impress a slightly sunburned male pool player somewhere between the age of 30 and 55, with a mild-to-extreme keg belly–the chief demographic of the event.

You are hereby declared to be Best Dressed, simply because you didn’t look like the rest of us. And you didn’t look like Elvis.

A Thank You to Erik “Bull” Vankyrwyk (hope I spelled that correctly) who ran a 120+ player tournament on SEVEN bar tables as best as it could be run. If you ever get tired of one of your shirts, you can give it to me. I will prop it up with a yardstick and live happily ever after in my Hustlin’-logo emblazoned teepee. We have already determined 3.64 persons of my size can live in it.

For those inquiring minds who want to know, the Olhuasen Desert All-Around Tour is open to all players, whether they are Arizona residents or not. The tour features many different games on both full-size and bar tables. Best of all, each tournament features 100% payback. There are tough players, and tough games, but if you win, you win a good chunk of dough.

That's Bull.
Do NOT mess with the tournament director.

Finally, Arizona Highway Patrol, we’re NOT SORRY for going 75 in a 60 zone! We LIED! TOTALLY HUSTLED YOU!! Hahahaha!


“I had him scared. Then I broke, and he wasn’t scared no more.”
— Bill Moore, AZ

“There’s a hole in your shirt.”
“That’s because I flexed earlier.”

— unknown tournament participants

“Pool gives me gas.”
— unknown person at event

Collect them all!

There are three (3) cueballs hidden in this photo. Can you find them all?

In Parting

Barboxes are The Great Equalizer.

Chinese people don’t eat at the Chinese buffet next door–you probably shouldn’t either.

The sign’s not joking when it says “Next Rest Stop 42 miles”, so take it seriously.

One Reply to “10-Ball Junkie – 2007 Desert Dust Off, Phoenix”

Comments are closed.