fund sarcasm


October 2018
« Nov    


• 2013 Majors

BCAPL National 8-Ball Championships
Rio All-Suite Las Vegas Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, NV
first time at the Rio (adios Riviera) and things get epic
Hard Times 10-Ball Open
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
just a lil pre-Vegas warm up tournament
West Coast Challenge
$4,000 added One Pocket
$10,000 added 10-Ball
California Billiard Club
Mountain View, CA
last event at this location before they close (sadface)
Cole Dickson Memorial 9-Ball
Family Billiards
San Francisco, CA
for legendary road player Cole Dickson
Pots 'N' Pans Memorial 9-Ball
Pool Sharks
Las Vegas, NV
celebrating hustler Bernard Rogoff, better known as "Pots 'N' Pans"
TAR35 | Dennis Orcollo vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second and third days
TAR33 | Francisco Bustamante vs Alex Pagulayan
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second (1P) and part of third (10B) day
TAR32 | Ronnie Alcano vs Jayson Shaw
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
GREAT match • Andy Mercer Memorial 9-Ball Tournament coverage
Chet Itow Memorial 9-Ball
California Billiards Club
Mountain View, CA
drank too much to do good coverage, but here it is, anyway
Jay Swanson Memorial 9-Ball
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
let Robocop show you how to run a six-pack, Citizen
TAR31 | Mike Dechaine vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
TAR30 | Darren Appleton vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
the boys are back in town
» Huidji See
» Donny Mills
the best kind of New Year's Sandwich
that's not okay
you know that I'm no good
on being a reasonable human being with realistic expectations
instasham series
stories from the distant and slightly-less-distant past
the only people for me are the mad ones
questions, tournaments, bets, running 26.2 miles


The Action Report
purveyor of fine challenge matches between highly-skilled players of note
Cue Times Billiard News
Colorado's best resource for all things pool-related
Jack Justis Cases
the choice of champions
Sugartree Customs
made by Eric "Slower Than Snails" Crisp, if and when he feels like it
Tucker Cue Works
"If you feel the need to ask me how your cue is progressing every week then maybe there is a better choice of cuemakers out there for you."
Kurzweils' Country Meats
yes, meat

what to eat when you watch TAR


The Vegas Summary is on its way. Ninety-nine percent of respondents to an informal poll I posted preferred a bad-ass post next week to a half-ass post this week. However, I do hate to leave you all with nothing to ponder and since it is Friday and we’re all happy, here’s some stuff to move your day along.


internet foraging

Today’s articles are all short and interesting.

$2,500 budget for rubber bands   Profiles in Scourges: Pablo Escobar
The rise, fall, and ridiculous statistics of Pablo Escobar, the head of the Medellin drug cartel in the 1980s.
resistance is futile   A mathematical bug shows us why the 3D universe carries the possibility of despair. Really.



Kurzweil’s Country Meats
“Home of the Famous Smoked Pork Chop!”

I was busy during all the days and nights I was in Vegas, which meant wasn’t time to sit down and really enjoy some good eats. However, once I got back from Vegas, I did have the time, and means, to cook a little something-something.


One of the things I had to look forward to upon my return from this long-ass road trip was a meal featuring this smoked pork chop. “Kurzweil”, you may say. “That name has a familiar ring to it.” That ring is the ring of the dinner bell and it’s familiar because Kurzweil’s Country Meats has sponsored the last couple of TAR (The Action Report) livestreams.


the famous smoked pork chop

That is the famous smoked pork chop.

These come vacuum packed in plastic and keep well for long periods of time. I had this pork chop in my freezer for quite a while and when I defrosted it, it had no freezer burn at all.


My pantry and refrigerator had very limited contents due to my upcoming fumigation. However, as a starving artist-hack-bloggart, I am used to working with almost nothing.

In the refrigerator, I had butter and a 10-ounce container of grape tomatoes (the sweet ones).

yay! tomatoes!

I sliced them in half lengthwise.

I put a skillet on the stove and over medium-high heat. I put in about a tablespoon of butter and waited for it to sizzle.

the greatest pan I have ever known

In case you are wondering (are you? you are!), the skillet/pan I’m using is one of my favorites. It’s by Calphalon and is called the Nonstick Everyday Pan and seriously, it is THE single most useful pan I have. The one shown here is the smaller 10-inch one, but it also comes in a 12-inch size.

  When I bought these two pans a few years ago, they were on some kind of special and I got them BOTH (n0 sh#t!) for $49.99. I don’t see them in stores quite as much anymore and definitely not in the two-pan set. I think I may have gotten mine so cheap because they had been mispriced as the Calphalon Contemporary Nonstick 2-pc. Omelette Pan Set (over there on the left) which is still priced at $49.99 all these years later (not bad, really, since buying them separately would cost $70.00).
My friend got the Omelette Pan Set and they are also very good. I didn’t get the Omelette Pans because I have a very tiny kitchen and the long handles would take up too much storage space and wouldn’t fit in my toaster oven.

In any case, if you can find the Everyday Pans for a reasonable price (they are kind of pricey directly from Calphalon site, $79.95 for the 12-inch, but there are other versions of the 10-inch for $49.99 here and here), I highly, HIGHLY recommend them. They come with glass dome covers and are oven-safe. The nonstick coating is durable with proper care, and a complete blessing for a lazy-ass such as myself.


Back to fooding…

When the butter has melted and is just sizzling hot, I toss in the tomatoes and add a little McCormick Montreal Steak Seasoning.

better than ketchup Costco for the win

That is a one-pound container of steak seasoning I have over there and it is almost empty. That’s a firm endorsement about how much I love that seasoning. Be careful not to add too much seasoning. The seasoning is strong and quite salty, since it is actually intended for steak. I would say start off with a half-teaspoon only and if you want more, add more.

The salt in the seasoning helps draw out the water in the tomatoes and when the water cooks off, you’ll have nice, stewed tomatoes.

also makes a great Pasta Sauce For The Lazy

By the way, this is a very convenient way to make a super-quick sauce to go over pasta as well. The only difference is I add fresh basil leaves right before serving and parmesan cheese after serving.

Remove the tomatoes and put them on the side of a warm plate.


Oh, look! It’s the smoked pork chop again!

I saute the pork chop in remants of the butter (which has now been infused with tomato and steak seasoning) over medium heat, just until it is heated through, about 4-5 minutes per side.

aww yeah


I then put the pork chop on the same warm plate as the tomatoes. (You can keep things warm by placing the plate in an oven at a low temperature.)


Now, it’s time for another favorite food of mine — fried eggs.

I pour off most of the brine (if any) from the pan, leaving maybe a teaspoon or so. I turn up the heat to medium high and crack the eggs into the remants of the butter (adding a little more butter if necessary) which now has the flavors of tomatoes, steak seasoning, AND smoked pork chop. Seriously, those eggs are going to be delicious.

After cracking the eggs into the pan, I cover them after about thirty seconds with the lid. The steam from the sizzling brine will steam the whites until they are set while allowing the yolks to remain runny, the way I like it. You can, of course, cook the eggs however you like it (my brother prefers them scrambled, my mom likes them over-easy).

tastes as good as it looks

So f#cking delicious!

Add the eggs to your warm plate of tomatoes and pork chop.


The little shot glass with a tiny spoon is filled with currant jelly, my preferred accompaniment to pork chops. I like currant jelly because it’s not as sweet as apple jelly or apricot preserves, which are other options. The tartness is a nice foil to the fatty pork (and this chop still has the incredibly awesome fatty pork rind).


There you have it: a delicious meal cooked with minimal ingredients — and ONLY ONE PAN! I’m a lazy bastard and the less I have to clean up, the happier I am.

perfection up close

If you enjoy watching the streams on The Action Report, do yourself (and your family and friends — if you like them enough) a favor and head on over to Kurzweils’ Country Meats. They have plenty of awesome meat products in addition to the Smoked Pork Chop. One of my all-time favorites is their Jalapeno-Cheddar Brat but I have yet to try something I haven’t liked.

Support the sport and fill your belly at the same time by getting some bad-ass food from Chris Kurzweil (who also happens to play pool and make cues)!


Kurzweil’s Country Meats | website | facebook



Come back next week, Monday or Tuesday-ish, for the Mosconi Cup and TAR 23 post.

if you love TAR and bacon, you WILL forward this on

11 comments to what to eat when you watch TAR

  • Brian in VA

    I have those 2 pans in my kitchen (sales at Macy’s as I recall) and they are easily the most used (seriously) in our stable. They are wonderfully seasoned after all this time and I can cook my eggs (over-light is my preferred) perfectly every time.

    Haven’t tried Kurzweil’s meats but now on the list. That meal you cooked looks perfect!

    • Adhesive Remover


      They are totally the nuts. I own five pieces of cookware (a lot for some people, far less than I wish I had): two stock pots, these two pans, and a small saucepot (for ramen). These pans are convenient in size and you can cook sauce or steak in them. I love the flared rim as it makes pouring a cinch.

  • Op

    Omg, did anyone notice the magic trick she did in this post??
    (i.e. – Did anyone notice there was three eggs and then it turned into two??)

    Just a side note, I don’t know how you consider this a half-assed post. It seemed like quite a full assed one. Lots of junk in the trunk, if you know what I mean.

    • Adhesive Remover

      Tee hee! I ate the other egg why I was “styling” the food… If it doesn’t have substance, then it’d better look very nice (sounds like societal norms).

  • yes yes yes those pork chops with eggs are the bomb bomb bomb.
    you made me drool with a food flashback to those things. i spent
    an entire week eating those chops and his brats every meal.
    i was very happy during, and very sad the 1st day my stock was depleted

  • pvc lou

    that does look delicious, you lazy bastard.

    • Adhesive Remover

      Laziness… delicious, delicious laziness. The pork chops and brats come fully cooked from Kurzweil’s so that just enables and encourages more laziness.

  • pvc lou

    i’m a lazy bastard too. i never realized i could say that with joy and not shame

  • […] you have a Kurzweil smoked pork chop, you don’t need much […]

  • […] Afterwards, I went to the famed Army Party where there was more 80 proof therapy and snacks provided by the famous Chris Kurzweil of Kurzweil’s Country Meats (home of the famous smoked pork chop!). […]