sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells


If money won is twice as sweet as money earned, what happens when you win a Coke? in this issue of OMGWTF

“It was a brave man who first ate an…”
weekly reading assortment
some YouTube clips
Clint Eastwood
one tough tournament

fill in the blank



Things That Have Recently Made Me Happy
smorgasbord of random items

Random: Getting rid of old money
As in buying something with a dollar bill so old and decrepit it looks like a used tissue. I love how the clerks pick it up with two fingers and sometimes, they even hold it up the light, like a C-note, to check it for authenticity. Hilarity. It’s legal tender, biatch! Now gimme my Coke.

Food: Pictures by ThePavlos
I’m sure most of you enjoy pictures of food as much as I do. As such, I will post reader submissions from time to time. You can send your toothsome food photographs to me via email.

This week’s centerfolds are by ThePavlos, a pool player with two adorable kids and a very nice Mike Webb cue (with blue veneers!) to boot.

Lobster Rolls. I have never had a lobster roll but I have heard much about them. They were recently described to me as “chicken salad, but with lobster instead of chicken”. Okay. So it’s Chicken Salad of the Sea. I do look forward to trying them someday as everything in this photograph makes a summery statement.

bright colors whet the appetite

Oysters. I love oysters, especially raw on the half-shell. These are Wellfleet oysters (Crassostrea virginica) which are so well-known to Massachusetts they might as well make it the state oyster.

"It was a brave man who first ate an oyster." --Jonathan Swift by Rowan Jacobsen (my go-to resource for many things oysterish/oystery) describes Wellfleet oysters as

…[resembling] Malpeques in their light body and clean finish, but they are even saltier. They scream out for a pint of Sam Adams Lager and some sandy dunes to enjoy them on.

Just so you know, Malpeques are oysters from Prince Edward Island (PEI) and they are described thusly on the site:

Easy to eat, with the perfect balance of sweetness, brine, and pickle-like liveliness, they make great accompaniments to a pint of lager.

What great images of summer.

Thanks for sharing, Pav! 🙂


Food: Tom Kha Gai
Spicy and tart Thai coconut-chicken soup flavored with galangal, kaffir lime leaves, and lemongrass. Good for what ailed me this past weekend. Here is a
recipe for this soup (serves 2) if you want to try your hand at making it.

Arts & Crafts: Hooray for oysters
They taste good and I recycle their shells into cutesy useless items. This — whatever the hell it is — was modeled on 16th and 17th century cups fashioned from nautilus shells and various precious metals and gems.

Salt dish maybe?

My creation (standing at a mighty one inch tall), of course, is not nearly as cool, not nearly as gilded, and it’s certainly not as noble as a freaking nautilus (with its “golden proportion” chambers and s—). But that oyster (a Kusshi) sure was yummy, and I never hear of people eating nautiluses (nautilii?).

TV: The Most Interesting Man In The World
I like these commercials. This clip is longer than the usual commercial spot and TMIMITW gives you a little background on himself. Enjoy for the next two minutes and twenty-seven seconds.

YouTube: Mighty Putty parody
I can’t remember who first sent this to me, but many thanks are due your way.

WARNING: Contains many four-letter words so keep the sound down if you’re at work or around kids you don’t want corrupted.


Random: Interesting* articles to pass the day
I mine the intarwebs so you don’t have to…

This feature sporadically appears and disappears on my blog. The articles cover a wide variety of topics and range from weird to informative to funny to whatever you want to label them as and may be long or short. Proceed at your own risk.

LAX parking lot is home away from home for airline workers
Rent is $60 a month.

Milan to enforce teen drink ban
One-third of 11-year-olds have alcohol-related problems.

Florida Woman, 90, Behind the Same Wheel 559,000 Miles Later
She carries a gun, by the way.

The Sequence of Sequencing
How do we decide which genome to map next?

The Things We Carry: Modern Artists Confront Compulsive Hoarding
“I think a lot of people are fascinated and horrified by the level of stuff,” says Suzuki. “It’s just the sheer volume.”



a man has got to know his limitations
that’s Clint Eastwood talkin’ in Magnum Force (1973)

There was a $100 added women’s nine-ball tournament this past weekend at a pool hall a ways south from me.

I charted out the route via public transit and this is what I came up with: four hours, three buses, and a two mile walk in the desert heat at midday. And that’s just to get there. Coming home would take longer since the buses wouldn’t run as often in the late evening.

So, just this once, I said “f— it” and took the weekend off.



one tough tournament
more than anyone will ever know

It was a good thing I took the weekend off because there was a tournament at my local pool room on Monday. This was a ladies’ eight-ball tournament on nine-foot tables and its organizers were hoping to make it a regular event. The race was to 2 on the winners’ side and only to 1 on the contenders’ side (yeah, I’m using that term, too — whatever). The short races meant almost anyone could win this tournament.

As I waited for the tournament to start, I chatted a bit with the players as they arrived. I knew most of the players from that pool room or the local leagues in the area. I would say most of them did not play with the same fanatical drive to compete and win as I did. This was not a bad thing.

I think most people start out playing pool for fun or out of fascination for the game and the desire to compete, if it is within the player, comes later.

I sensed immediately that most of the players were here to enjoy the tournament experience. This was more of a “girls’ night out” rather than a pool tournament. It made me do something that I didn’t do too often which was to think.

I wanted to win this tournament and I was ready to play this tournament in the same manner I have played larger tournaments with tougher opponents. I had already asked about whether or not it was acceptable to wear earphones and had received the okay to wear them. Rack-your-own was permitted. I was slowly going into tournament mode, which for me, means I don’t talk and all I see is the table. I ignore everything and everyone else.

But, as I have said, I was thinking.

I had this feeling that if I wore earphones to play, did the rack-your-own thing, and put myself on mute, I would probably seem a tad unfriendly. This doesn’t usually bother me, because I generally do what it takes to win, public opinion be damned. However, most of these girls were here to have a good time and try out one of the (extremely, extremely rare) tournaments just for ladies. I didn’t want them to have a bad, or uncomfortable, experience at this tournament.

So, I opted to play nice.

I didn’t wear the earphones, and when I did do rack-your-own, I did it not to ensure myself a good rack, but out of convenience for others. I was friendly and answered when spoken to. This may sound easy and normal to you, but for someone like me who only knows two speeds in pool: Compete or Don’t Play, this was very, very difficult. I had to bounce back and forth between being a killer player and being a nice person. These two attributes are generally mutually exclusive in my DNA. It wore me out to switch gears from being a nice person off the table to bearing down at the table. It was like going Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde every minute. I did this, though, because I remember when I first started playing how intimidating, and mean, a lot of the women I played were. Because of them, I thought being a bitch at the table was a necessary evil for success. Even though this tournament’s format meant that I needed to concentrate extremely hard to win, I was willing to risk losing to ensure that my opponents would enjoy the tournament, and thereby play more pool. Pool needs more players.


Although I played shakier than usual, I managed to get to the hotseat match. I had a short break before playing so I went to get some coffee on the other side of the room. On my way back, I stopped to chat with one of the pool room regulars, a person who has known me for a long time.

“Do you remember that fifteen-ball you had in the last game of your first match?”

I had to think a little bit to remember. “Oh, yes. The one I cut up into the corner pocket.” I had made a nice long cut up the table to make that fifteen-ball.

“It seemed to me that you were straight-in on the side pocket.” The tables for the tournament all had tight pockets. The table my match had been on probably had four-inch pockets, if not smaller. Naturally, it was harder to make certain shots as the pockets were less accepting.

“At that angle, I would not have been able to make it into the side pocket. It was much too severe. I most likely would have hit the point.”

“Well, I think you were straight-in on the side pocket. I could see you were straight-in on the side pocket.” Now this statement put me on guard. This guy was watching from a good distance away from my table and from a different angle. I decided against pointing out this obvious fact and instead, chose to be patient.

“It might have been possible to make it in the side, but I would have had to slow roll the fifteen. Had I missed, I would have left her an easy eight-ball. That is why I chose to shoot it in the corner. At that angle, I’d rather have a “certain” corner pocket rather than a “maybe” side pocket shot. As long as I made the ball in the corner, I knew I would have a decent shot on the eight.”

“I just don’t understand why you shot that fifteen in the corner. It’s much harder than shooting it in the side.” I drew a breath to attempt explaining again when he said, I would never have chosen the corner pocket. I would have shot it in the side.”

Oh, so this is where this bulls— is going. For the sake of our friendship, I declined to be rude and said, “I shot it in the corner because I could. I know I’m good enough to make that ball, and I did. I made the ball, I got out, and I won.”

“Well, I noticed you made many, many wrong choices–“

“Oh no,” I cut him off immediately. I do not have time for this s—. “When I am playing, when I am shooting, whatever shot I choose to shoot at the time is the right shot, regardless of the outcome. I DO NOT second-guess myself, ever.”

“But, you were wrong when–“

“No,” I said quite firmly, “Whatever shot I chose was the right shot for me. If you didn’t like it, you’re probably not alone. Hell, nobody ever likes the way I play — and I don’t care.”


Here is a message to you know-it-all railbirds, friends and foes alike: if you’re not invested in me (and by invested I mean you paid my entry fee — which I would never allow you to pay in the first place), please sit down, shut the F— up, and let me play my damn game.

Theodore Roosevelt put it best:

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…

I am the one in the arena.

When I am fighting to win, I do not think of losing. There is no time nor place for it. Get busy living or get busy dying. I will NOT tolerate ANY negativity during battle. This includes your negativity. Yes, you. I’m talking to you. I’m talking to ALL of you.

All your speculations, your what-ifs, your should-have-dones, your I-would-haves — all that s— is worth a jug of warm piss because YOU ARE NOT THE ONE PLAYING.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and (correct me if I’m wrong) say that I’m at least a person of average intelligence (despite being both a chick and a pool player — attributes some men are all too willing to believe indicate inferior mental capabilities). I have no speech impediments or learning disabilities. This means that I am fully capable of asking for your opinion when I want it.

Otherwise, keep that s— to yourself.

Whether you agree with me or not on this point is irrelevant. This is my life. I will live it the way I want and I will play pool the way I want. If you are truly my friend, you will respect this.

Thank you, that is all.


Despite the mild irritation from the aforementioned incident, I managed to win the hotseat, the finals, and the tournament.

I harbor no illusions. I got lucky to win. My opponent made some interesting errors, and I capitalized on them. Every dog has its day and that day was mine. The next day is another day, the win will be forgotten, and all I will think about is the next tournament.



fill in the blank
this is fun


“The accessories pocket(s) of my cue case contains ______.”


Put your answers in the comment section!


27 Replies to “sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells”

  1. haha the lobster rolls look like pink mystery meat! but man i hate reading ur blog! i get so hungry after every single one of ur food posts, then i have to go look for food. you ARE evil. 😛 now where’s that pier . . .

    “The accessories pocket(s) of my cue case contains . . . ”

    the sound of music, since it takes accessory pockets to contain the sweet music made by my cue . . . ohhhh yeaahhhh, biiiieaaaaacchhhh. that & a half-eaten lobster roll & a wedge of lemon.

  2. I liked the bit about the railbirds…LMAO
    I liked your Roosevelt quote even more…I’m going straight to Zazzle and putting it on a T-shirt!!
    ; )

    1. Here is the Roosevelt quote, often referred to as the “Man in the Arena” quote, in its entirety:

      “It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”

      “Citizenship in a Republic,”
      Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

      This has always been one of my favorites. 🙂

  3. p00lriah has a point on those lobster rolls…they do have some sort of sauce on them. Idealy, the meat will be white with some red on the outside. Serve on a toasted buttery bun with a little mayo, lettuce and small diced celery. MMMM. But then again, being from coastal CT, I’m a lobster snob.

    In the pool bag: 1 box masters blue chalk, 2 tubes Q-Slik, Burnishing papers, 80/120 grit sand paper, Tip tool, Measle Ball, 1 Bottle Excedrin Back and Body, 1 Bottle Advil, iPod w/ earbuds, and 1 towel hangning. That’s aside from 2 cues.

  4. “HIs blood smells like cologne” lol.

    On that note, I don’t have accessories b/c I play off the wall

    Those lobster dogs look fantastic. If I lived there, I would be able to put that whole quote on my t-shirt.

    the cup looks nice…:p

      1. Yea you got the eight. Just won my bar tab and i am feeling sporty. jk maybe. Theo was a great man. And I do believe he owned a brunswick. Pool shooters have a philosophy closer to earth than anyone else, except maybe landscapers. Is it the felt? maybe. I would like to think its just the alcohol.

  5. The colors in the lobster roll photo are so stunning, it actually doesn’t make me hungry.

    I don’t really use my case pocket that much, so I had to check:

    Advil individual two-pack, a glove that’s too small for me (I use only if I get really sweaty. I can’t stand hand chalk), red circle cue ball, and a receipt from the Riviera Sportbook.

  6. The Arts & Crafts shell thing might be good for a soap dish for those small smelly womens face soaps.

    1. I hope they have soaps the size of a quarter… I’ll make a larger one that will actually fit a bar of soap. That’ll be one big oyster.

  7. Accessories pocket……

    band aids
    tip scuffer
    rolling papers
    microfibre sponge thing (like magic eraser)
    coffee crisp wrapper <—- it's a chocolate bar I understand you don't have in the US. A nice light snack and a good lead in to a joke. Q. how do you like your coffee A. Crisp

  8. The accessories pocket(s) of my cue case contains a measles cue ball, moose head bridge, nail clippers, extra chalks, tip pic, 2 Willard shapers (dime & nickel radius), several pens and pencils, Q Claw 5 stick holder, Predator Air Jump cue butt pieces (the shaft is with my other shafts), magnetic chalk holder, and a tiny bit more. My case is a 3×6 by Jim Murnak (#GL2135 at his site).

    When I don’t shoot serious, I just carry 1 or 2 cues in a light pouch, with no accessories. I usually carry at least one Rubik’s cube too. I sometimes mix it and solve it (quietly) before my opponent finishes his/her turn.

    1. Actually, I won’t cube if it might bother the opponent. At a bar, I often wait until a game is over, then mix and solve as someone feeds quarters and racks. I don’t like to waste my idle time.

      1. yeah cubing would definitely be considered sharking. Have you won any money cubing in a pool hall? bet you could. If I could cube, I would be barking at those guys hitting the punching machines.

  9. TMIMITW is one of my favorite campaigns and my wife and I are always laughing at them.

    I’ve had that Roosevelt quote on my wall for many years. I don’t have many heroes but he qualifies as one.

    The accessories pocket of my cue case contains 2 cubes of Blue Diamond chalk, a leather chalk holder (slips in my back pocket….can’t help it I like it) piece of leather, QWiz, Tip Pic and Tip Tool. I think there’s also some cue papers in there you know the really fine grit sand paper. And a small microfiber towel, a black glove that I never wear and a tin of mints. Maybe I should clean that thing out…..

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