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• 2013 Majors

CSI POOL
BCAPL National 8-Ball Championships
Rio All-Suite Las Vegas Hotel and Casino
Las Vegas, NV
first time at the Rio (adios Riviera) and things get epic
 
INDEPENDENT EVENT
Hard Times 10-Ball Open
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
just a lil pre-Vegas warm up tournament
 
INDEPENDENT EVENT
West Coast Challenge
$4,000 added One Pocket
$10,000 added 10-Ball
California Billiard Club
Mountain View, CA
last event at this location before they close (sadface)
 
INDEPENDENT EVENT
Cole Dickson Memorial 9-Ball
Family Billiards
San Francisco, CA
for legendary road player Cole Dickson
 
INDEPENDENT EVENT
Pots 'N' Pans Memorial 9-Ball
Pool Sharks
Las Vegas, NV
celebrating hustler Bernard Rogoff, better known as "Pots 'N' Pans"
 
THE ACTION REPORT
TAR35 | Dennis Orcollo vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second and third days
 
THE ACTION REPORT
TAR33 | Francisco Bustamante vs Alex Pagulayan
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
second (1P) and part of third (10B) day
 
THE ACTION REPORT
TAR32 | Ronnie Alcano vs Jayson Shaw
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
GREAT match • Andy Mercer Memorial 9-Ball Tournament coverage
 
INDEPENDENT EVENT
Chet Itow Memorial 9-Ball
California Billiards Club
Mountain View, CA
drank too much to do good coverage, but here it is, anyway
 
CSI POOL
Jay Swanson Memorial 9-Ball
Hard Times Billiards
Bellflower, CA
let Robocop show you how to run a six-pack, Citizen
 
THE ACTION REPORT
TAR31 | Mike Dechaine vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
ALL HAIL THE HOVERCAT
 
THE ACTION REPORT
TAR30 | Darren Appleton vs Shane Van Boening
TAR Studio
Las Vegas, NV
the boys are back in town
 
 
10+1 INTERVIEWS
» Huidji See
» Donny Mills
 
 
EVERYBODY WAS KUNG-FU FIGHTING
the best kind of New Year's Sandwich
that's not okay
 
 
READER'S CHOICE
you know that I'm no good
on being a reasonable human being with realistic expectations
 
instasham series
stories from the distant and slightly-less-distant past
 
the only people for me are the mad ones
questions, tournaments, bets, running 26.2 miles

• LINKY LINKS

PARTY ANIMALS
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CASE
Jack Justis Cases
the choice of champions
 
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Sugartree Customs
made by Eric "Slower Than Snails" Crisp, if and when he feels like it
 
CUE
Tucker Cue Works
"If you feel the need to ask me how your cue is progressing every week then maybe there is a better choice of cuemakers out there for you."
 
MEAT
Kurzweils' Country Meats
yes, meat

Black Pepper Steak with Creamy Mushroom Sauce

no sizzle

I don’t have the great tolerance for spicy foods most Asians stereotypically have. I’m not interested in getting into wars with habaneros and bhut jolokias to prove a point. No, thank you. I do enjoy freshly ground black pepper on my food, though — it warms things up without being murderous.

 

stuff about pepper

Black pepper, which is the fruit of a flowering vine, is the world’s most traded spice. Vietnam currently leads the world in its production, supplying 34% of what is on the market today.

  Pepper is native to India and has been in use there since prehistoric times. The Malabar Coast in India was the main source of black pepper during the days of spice trade and today still produces the highest-quality black pepper known as Tellicherry pepper. Tellicherry pepper is the top 10% of pepper from all Malabar plants grown on Mount Tellicherry. Tellicherry is a super-nifty name, isn’t it? Tellicherry Tellicherry Tellicherry! I’m going to name my next pet Tellicherry.

The stories of spices being so valuable they were used as currency are completely true. Even today, the humble (but spicily delicious) peppercorn is still used as (symbolic) rent. According to Wikipedia:

The Masonic Lodge of St. George’s #200, in Bermuda, rents the Old State House as their lodge for the annual sum of a single peppercorn, presented to the island’s governor on a velvet cushion atop a silver platter, in an annual ceremony performed since 1816 on or about April 23.

The Sevenoaks Vine Cricket Club in Sevenoaks, England, rent the Vine Cricket Ground from Sevenoaks Town Council at a yearly rent of two peppercorns which covers the ground and pavilion. The council in return, if requested, gives a new cricket ball to Baron Sackville every year.

The English have such charming little customs.

 

lazy with pepper

Since I’ve rejoined the cult of mind-f#ckery known as Improving Your Billiard Skills, I am back to having not-as-much free time. That means no more ridiculous hours- or day-long labor-intensive cooking (although the results were spectacular) for a tasty meal. We’re back to austerity and efficiency. It’s good to have both, but either quality is desirable.

One of the fastest meals I can make is a steak. A good steak never needs more than a little salt and/or pepper, but every now and then, I like having a sauce with it.

Today’s recipe is a streamlined version of the classic Black Pepper Steak and includes a creamy Mushroom Sauce which can double as a side dish instead of/as well as a sauce.

 

Paresseux avec le Poivre
Black Pepper Steak with Mushroom Sauce

 

First off, you’ll need some steak(s).

Here, I have three top blade chuck steaks weighing in together at about a pound. Top blade chuck steaks have a little line of chewy stuff down the middle which I happen to like, although not everyone else likes it. Aside from that, these steaks are very flavorful and inexpensive, making them a delicious Austerity Measure.

If you are not looking to be Austere Powers, International Man of Miserly, use whatever bourgeois cut of steak you like. (I recommend the leaner cuts, save the ribeyes for another time.)

Whoever does the cutting of meat at my supermarket is a bomb-ass person. He/She seems to know I buy these steaks on a regular basis and has recently begun cutting them to 1/2-inch to 3/4-inch thicknesses. Before, they would be cut quickly into 1-inch or thicker chunks and then wrapped. Since these steaks are on the lean side (Healthy Measures), it is important they be cut on the thinner side and cooked quickly.

Take the steaks out of the refrigerator to allow them to come to room temperature.

 

Lightly salt the steaks on both sides.

If you were to make a proper Steak au Poivre, you would take whole peppercorns and crush them into coarse bits using a mortar and pestle. Doing so ensures the sharpest, brightest flavor of pepper is brought to light. But, guess what — today I’m a Lazy Bastard(ess) and I just wasn’t feeling the extra time or effort.

What I do is set my McCormick’s Peppercorn Medley grinder to coarse (yep, these new ones allow for adjustable grinds) and generously crank out some fresh pepper bits on to the steak. Then, I take out my already-ground black pepper (sacrilege, I know — but we’re all about efficiency here).

I shake out about two tablespoons worth of ground pepper into a shallow dish (that’s a glass dish — I’m not actually just using my countertop). Place a steak into the pepper and gently press the pepper into the meat, covering all surfaces including the sides. Repeat with other steaks and add more pepper as necessary.

Let them chill out next to each other on the plate as they warm up to room temperature some more.

 

Now, we begin with the basics of the Mushroom Sauce. Peel and mince a large shallot.

Set aside for the time being.

Take out about a cup of flat-leaf parsley and wash well. Shake off excess water (or use a salad spinner if you want to wash more dishes and have All The Time In The World). Pluck off the leaves from the tough stem. We’re going to mince it, but it’s best to not have the tough stems there. They’re good for bouquet garni but not much else.

Wad up the leaves and tender stems and slice across as thinly as possible. Give the pile a quarter turn when you’re done and slice across again. Set aside.

  Get your mushrooms and slice ’em up! I was lazy so I bought pre-sliced mushrooms that were on sale.
If you want to up the Non-Austerity factor of the dish, throw in some of the more exotic shrooms out there (not the ones that make you see all the lyrics to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds). Some to consider are: morels, chanterelles (pricey but delicious), oysters (I’m going to try these next time), and/or trumpet mushrooms.
The regular white mushrooms are fine, too.
  The secret ingredient is cognac.
I usually substitute sherry for whatever random alcohol is assigned (when it’s not wine) because I have a big bottle of it and I don’t want to buy another bottle of alcohol (for real).
This time, I sprang for two mini bottles of cognac, mostly to finally try cognac in a recipe and see what all the fuss is about.
The fuss is right.
“Leave the gun. Take the cognac.”
The cognac is essential. Go get some.

You now have minced shallots, sliced mushrooms, and minced parsley ready to go. Awesome. Let’s get to the meat of the matter.

 

For cooking the steak, you’ll need both olive oil and butter. Turn the heat up to high and heat one tablespoon of olive oil and one tablespoon of butter in the pan.

When the butter has melted and things are just about smokin’, place the steak(s) in the pan. Because these steaks are on the thin side, it will only take 4 minutes to cook to medium-rare. That means I cook it 2 minutes per side, turning once.

Don’t mess with the Turning Once rule. Fiddle with the steak(s) too much and you won’t allow it to get a nice sear with the pepper crust.

After the steaks are done, place them on plates and keep them warm. While they rest, you’re going to be making the Shroom Sauce.

Your pan should have some oil, melted butter, pepper, and assorted browned bits still in it. That’s good stuff. If the oil level is looking low, add a little butter or olive oil. Reduce the heat to medium and add the minced shallots.

Cook the shallots, stirring frequently, until they are golden and translucent. It won’t take long. Up the heat to high and add the sliced mushrooms. You may have to add butter or oil at this point as well, if the pan is looking dry. Cook the mushrooms, stirring frequently, until almost all the water has been cooked off.

Add the cognac (whee!). While it bubbles away, mix up the sauce thickener of your choice. I am now using arrowroot powder on the advice of one of my readers.

  You can use flour or cornstarch. The ratio to use is one part powder to two parts liquid. I used 1 tablespoon arrowroot powder to two tablespoons half-and-half. Stir it until it’s well mixed.
At this point, the cognac should be just about all gone. Add at least 1/2 cup of half-and-half, or cream if you’re baller. Use your judgment about adding more. I ended up using a little less than a cup. Stir it all.
Stir the thickening solution and add to the sauce. Turn the heat down to medium and simmer, stirring, until it is as thick as you like it.

 

Place each steak on a plate and spoon the sauce over the steak or on the side. Sprinkle the minced parsley over everything so it looks all pretty and stuff.

"X" marks the spot and that spot is in my tummy

Repeat three times and eat all the steaks yourself. Or share, if you are so inclined. And that’s how Cooking for Lazy Bastards (and Bastardesses) is done.

 

 

This recipe is for Quilt+Bitch, who requested a recipe that did not feature my beloved tomatoes as said tomatoes would probably kill her husband.

"Paresseux avec le Poivre" means "lazy bastard with pepper"

15 comments to Black Pepper Steak with Creamy Mushroom Sauce

  • demonrho

    Nice food pornography, I mean, photography.

  • Another great recipe. Do you have a compilation in the form of a OMGWTF Cook Book for sale? I don’t have time to search through your copious blogs.

    • Adhesive Remover

      You can click on “Cooking Class” blog category to go to all Cooking Class posts. “OMG! Food!” recipe booklet is work in progress. 🙂

  • purpdrag

    I know it’s called Black Pepper Steak but DAMN!!! that’s a lot of pepper. The creamy mushroom sauce looks yummy.

    • Adhesive Remover

      It IS a lot of pepper! You don’t have to use as much, though, but coating it thoroughly really gives it a nice crust. If you do it the way I did with the already ground pepper, it’s got a lot less “bite”. 🙂 And you can make the mushroom sauce/side anytime — no need to have it just with the steak.

  • Angel Levine

    Hi OMGWTF,
    In my Derby decompression, I mistakenly sent this to Quilt&Bitch.
    But it’s for you:

    I had not read your blog though I knew of it.
    You win high praise from all who visit-your following is large and loyal. After having read only a few entries,
    I am in awe of your creative skills and transformed by your writings.
    I’m sure you’re sharing just a portion of the many facets you have.
    You have both my admiration and respect.
    Not trying to be sycophantic, but had to let you know your writing conveys PRECISELY the thoughts I’ve had when experiencing a similar situation, expletives and all(though the way you say it makes me roll.)

    I was surprised to see/meet you in Vegas, and I am happy to know you.

    -Angel Levine

    • Adhesive Remover

      Warm fuzzies. 🙂 It was good meeting you as well and I hope this blog and its many posts will continue to make you laugh.

      • Angel Levine

        Salutations and good tidings OMG WTF *^_^*
        I am in need of advice in an area you’re familiar with.
        Could you shoot me an email to the above email addy, and I’ll send you my number.
        Looking forward to speaing with you
        -A

  • Princess Allie Katzemzoomerbabies's Hooman

    Hope you’re happy with the arrowroot! 🙂

    • Adhesive Remover

      It does work well, and is easier to incorporate than the usual flour/water route. Thanks for the tip. 🙂

  • Looks great. Would garlic ruin it? I’m a garlic fan.

    • Adhesive Remover

      I don’t think garlic would ruin it. You can sprinkle some garlic powder on the steaks when you salt them (or use garlic salt!) before the peppering step. 🙂

  • […] • For another way to cook chuck steak, check out my recipe for Black Pepper Steak with Creamy Mushroom Sauce. […]